i hate running. probably because i am not good at it.

when i played soccer we used to have to run between 5 and 9 miles almost every practice....in the hot and in the cold and through all kinds of strains, sprains and high school hangovers...

and i hated it.
with all my being.

i played with a lot of girls who were runners. who loved running. and who still love running.

and were good at it.

i was bad at it.

so i hated it even more, naturally

(read: i have a hard time doing things that i don't know that i will be good at. it is an issue, but i am getting better)

and i decided to hate running forever.

but recently bryce and i were talking about running 5ks and i realized that i think it would be a cool accomplishment.

and i thought about couch-to-5k 

the idea really intrugies me.

and it is an accomplishable goal.

i think at some point i will do it.

with that being said...my knee is not cooperating.

it was hurting pretty bad for a while and then i stopped doing zumba about a month ago...and started doing pilates and yoga with training and body weights. 

then, when i started doing two hours at the gym, i started doing cardio again. 

and i was really enjoying it.
my knee hurt a little,.sometimes. but not like it was before.
saturday i did pilates at 9am. then lifted for about 25 minutes. and did 45 minutes of cardio.
sunday i didn't make it to the gym.
monday i went to a class that is an hour long, alternating 10 min or cardio with 10 minutes of "toning"...like hand weights and leg lifts. then did 45 min of the elliptical and then 15 minutes of stretching.
last night i did the elliptical for 40 minutes, walked for about 15
and then beans and i worked out with our trainer.
my knee was a little achy before. and after.
tonight i went and walked for about twenty minutes and then went to do
a weights class and had to leave.
i left twenty minutes into class and went and bought a knee brace (that i should have done a while ago) and then cried about it.
it is really frustrating. i feel that same shitty feeling i did when i hurt my foot last january.

i am going to wear the brace to work out  in. continue taking aleve as the doctor suggested and hope that it stops being sore. 

but i think that i am going to need to go back and probably get an mri to see what the problem is. 

i can feel and hear that something isn't right.
i am just not ready to be able to work out.if something is wrong. 

it is the way to make calories go away. if i am eating a little worse i can make up for it on the elliptical.
so maybe my knee shitting out on me will be a nice way to learn to get my diet reigned in.

blah.

stuck at 168. but still have lots of drive. 

the first weekend in march i am doing to go a two day cleanse and then back to the "lost ie" phase of the diet for two weeks. 

the beginning of april i go to nyc for liz's 30th. and i would like to be in the low 160s by then.

i hope things are good for you. 

one month until the spring equinox...

mmm. i can't wait!