for the sake of the name

i just realized that i haven't complained in a while...i mean-that is the whole idea behind this blog right?
i mean...things have been sucking at a pretty consistent level for a few months now and i have not taken the opportunity to let you all know just what is pissing me off now.
i think it is because life is shitty for everyone right now, so why does my shit matter. and then i remember you read this to hear me be pissed so here is what my effin issues are...feel free to add on any i forgot ;)

where to start....money. i fucking hate it. i still can't hold onto it, but it is worse now. even staying home has become expensive. i need some of that green stuff because my car is doing everything it can to die. the thought of a car payment at this point in my life makes me ill. i know plenty of you do it, but i don't. and i don't want to. and i don't care how irresponsible it makes me sound.
the anti-christ aka sarah palin. i can't even go into it. she makes me violent. i want to own a gun so i can shoot her in the fucking face and shut her up. this election could lead to mass suicide.
i wish i was kidding.
how does this make you feel... seven hundred billion dollars. and just to hit it home-a billion seconds ago it was 1959. 19-fucking-59.
my sister had my nephew a little over a month ago and he recently came home from the hospital after a long hard battle in the NICU.
clemintine has decided my bed is her favorite place to piss.
and some stupid woman sitting some where near my cube just either sprayed perfume or used the worlds most potent smelling lotion. as a general rule i hate perfume and smelly shit. it makes me cough. and in a cube sea? jesus. it could only be better if they were eating a can of tuna while they spritzed.
it has recently hit me that if i stay at this company the soonest i will get a raise is next october. yes. a year from now. that blows.
the violence in the city is scaring the crap out of me.

i think that is all i have for right now.

the good news is...liz has been home for two months, baby reed is home safe and sound, i now remember what it is like to go on a date and i get to see stars tonight.

hope you are well.
i am thinking about you.

shameless love

you guys...

i am in love with beyonce.
i listen to the album multiple times a day.
i can't help it.
i will shout it from the rooftops.



a plea to you.

open your eyes and allow yourself to be aware of what is occuring.
things are not safe in kansas city.
there has always been crime.
but it is hitting too close to home.
places that i have never thought twice about navigating alone have become crime scenes involving two young women not so different from myself...one who has been in the hospital surviving a gun shot and one who was not so lucky. both attempted robberies.
devin. i cannot believe you are gone. even as i write this part of me just can't wrap my head around it. i just don't want to believe it. i had not run into you in a while but it was always such a pleasure when i did. i will always cherish the laughs. i will always remember that laugh and your smile and your socks. my heart goes out to your family...both your blood family and your friends. this could have been any of us and why it had to be you we will never know.
my promise to you is this- i promise to be safe. i promise to think twice about my surrounding and my actions. i promise to look out for my friends. i promise to not let this harden me, but make me more aware.
this city just isn't the same knowing i won't run into you.

and for the rest of us...
our friends and our instincts are all we can rely on at this point. we have both found ourselves in a group of people that think they own this city and the city is showing us otherwise. it will take us networking and making concessions and compromising in order to keep ourselves and those that we love safe. it will take my group of strong independent women taking a step back and realizing that all though we are strong and we are independent and we are self sufficient that we are still the target for this horrible crimes, simply because we are women. we need to run in packs, we need guys to walk us to our cars and as ridiculous as it sounds, we need to walk around holding mace out so that people know we are aware of what they want to do to us. we need to swallow our pride and ask that security guard or bouncer to walk us to our cars and if these are things we are not willing to make a part of the routine then we do not need to be going out.
there is no need to have another amazing woman injured or killed before we open our eyes to the reality of this world. we are blessed with so many things, but we are fools to think that no one wants to take that away from us.

please be safe. and don't forget to tell people you love them. you just never know...