thankful and bitter

so i still have a job.
well...4/5ths of a job.

for the past two years of working at penton i have has summer hours.
this wonderful little gift of paid half days every other friday between memorial day and labor day.
last summer we had full days off to lift our spirits after the salary freeze went into effect.
with summer starting to creep into our minds we all began to wonder about summer hours.
surely they would give them to us.
we are still in a salary freeze and moral around here is shit.
this is the one thing they can do for us that doesn't cost them anything.

oh, we are still getting fridays off this summer.
in fact we get EVERY friday off.
and we don't get paid for them either.
around 2:30 yesterday a random meeting reminder for something that i knew was not previously on my calendar popped up.
"company wide announcement"
summer hours??- was my first thought
then i remembered that in corporate america they send company wide good news in emails.
and company wide bad news comes in department meetings, to make us feel like they care about us individually...followed by an email outlining the shittiness.
you can take a gander at ours here

if you read through all that bullshit, which i myself have not yet, you will see that we have some options.
we can take a 18.5% pay cut between may 22 and september 4.
or a 9.85% pay cut between may 22 and the end of 2009.
i have until the 15th to decide.
intense ass raping for three months?
or moderate paycheck molestation for the end of the year?


the good news...
i have every friday off this summer.
my vacation days will go further than they did last year.
i still don't think i will get laid off.

the bad news...
money...isn't it always the bad news?

at this point my main concern is paying my car payment.
and getting my ass to colorado this summer.

so if you know anyone that needs a friday baby sitter, let me know.


the plan

so things have gotten a little out of control.
workouts have been missed.
meals have been more delicious and less nutritious.
and as a result of this my waistline-and most everything else-has expanded.
a few weeks ago when i went home i stepped on a scale.
i am not a huge fan of scales.
i grew up in a home without a scale.
i feel like you should be comfortable in your skin and that should be your indicator.
how your clothes fit and how you feel, not a number.
i knew i was not in the kind of shape i wanted to be in and wanted to see just how out of control things have gotten.
168 pounds worth.
this is the heaviest I have been in my life.
my weight fluctuates fairly regularly and within about a 10 pound range.
the goal weight has always been around 150.
my usual weight is 155-160.
i have some work to do.
and, luckily, my partner in crime is on board with me, which will make this much easier.
a cooking light cook book was purchased, as was a scale.
several of the ladies are on the band wagon, creating a much needed and appreciated support system.

here is the deal with my body image…
I am all right with my body.
I am aware of my body.
there are times I want to better my body.
but I always love my body.

and here is the plan…
the new routine includes getting up around 5:45 am.
lifting weights with kelly before work on monday and thursday.
light weights and zumba with jill on tuesday and wednesday.
and perhaps friday mornings with jill as well.
something either on saturday or sunday…outdoorsy or fun or whatever.
and one day off.

bryce and i claim our nights for cooking dinner and we go from there.

watching the alcohol intake.

it is thursday.
the plan took effect on monday.
i feel like my body is starting to get used to it.
i am not STARVING all the time.
i am not tired all afternoon.
i still want to go to bed right at ten….if not before.
i am happy.
i am in a good mood.
i am excited to watch things change.
i am proud of the decision to be more respectful and protective of my body.
and, like so many things, this has shown me how important it is, and how lucky I am to have such a wonderful support system.

with all that said…let us see how i do this weekend.

spring has sprung….i hope you are happy.