my new home

things, they are a changing...and my bloglife is not uneffected.
i have started a new blog... ahoy!friend 

this has been a wonderful space for me and i am glad that i will always have this to look back on.
but i am done complaining...or at least done having a space that is especially devoted to it.
so i hope you will follow me to the new place.

thanks for letting me bitch :)


in case you were wondering...

mama and i have worked one of the biggest, fullest storage unit known to man.
if all of this stuff was in her house she would certainly be a candidate for an episode of hoarders.
in her defense this is all stuff that fit into our previous house.
and she isn't opposed to getting rid of some of it.
in fact, that is exactly what we are doing.
i came down for the weekend with the intentions of being here for my cousin's prom and heading back to arkansas on sunday or monday (i left b and the mutts there).
but my mom has been trying for quite some time to go through all this stuff so that she can have a garage sale.
so, since i am unemployed and in need of something productive to do i signed on to help.
sunday we worked from about 10:00  to 5:00ish.
monday we worked from 9:00ish to 4:30.
tuesday we worked from 9:30ish to almost 7.
wednesday we worked from 9:30ish to about 2:30.
after we went through the last box we were done.
we left the place a bit of a mess.
i went back to arkansas last night.
b and i went to dinner in eureka springs (so freaking cute).
hung out with ryan, di and the boys today and then headed back to my parents.
tomorrow my mom and i are going to organize what is left in the storage unit, so she can get to the things she needs.
then tomorrow night i will go with her, my cousin and aunt to my gran's lodge's mother/daughter banquet that i can almost guarantee will be at some kind of a truck stop.
but it won't matter. gran is always happy to show her girls off.
i haven't been in years, with really no great excuse.
i am looking forward to it.
on saturday we will go back to kc.
i will try and see friends and spend some time with b before i leave on tuesday.
i am going to brooklyn to see my girl liz!
i also plan to see a dear friend from high school and one of my cousins and her kids.
i will be gone for two weeks.
b suggested, after the house news, that i go to see liz.
i had been thinking about using the money i made from selling my car to go see her.
i told b this, but he said it wasn't necessary, that he had rewards tickets.
i said that i would book it as soon as i talked to liz.
he told me he all ready talked to her and said she would probably have a 3 day weekend on may 13.
this guy is good.
on top of this momilla is shooting a wedding in the hamptons and then we will all get to hang out for a few days!!
due to the dates available to use the rewards tickets i will be going for two full weeks!
i am so looking forward to this and know that there are few people i could stay with for two weeks, but liz is one of them.  

this isn't quite how i thought i would spend my time off, but i also can't complain.

next week i will be writing you from brooklyn.
i doubt you are as excited about that as i am.
but i hope you are well...


greetings from arkansas

b and i headed down on tuesday night.
not even the threat of record rainfall and a partially collapsed road could keep us away.
it was time to get out of the city.
it was time to get down here and figure some shit out.
and it was time to relax a little and be reminded of why this is all worth it.

tuesday night it rained. but i was okay with that.
every now and then nothing can beat a good rain.
yesterday was drizzly mostly, with a little rain.
this was winston's first trip to the lake.
tuesday night we let him outside a few times and he would just do his business and come back in.
wednesday morning bryce let him out and he came back in.  then when i let him out later that morning he and luna decided to take a little stroll.
i decided not to freak out.
they are dogs.
luna always comes back and these two stick in a pack.
i convinced myself of this for about 5 minutes...then i put on my VFFs and took after them.
i had almost decided i wasn't going to find them, but when i turned around to head home i saw them run across the street, from the woods to a yard.
i started shaking winston's collar (it is metal) and he came running right for me.
i love that dogs are still excited by the idea of a walk when they are roaming open land.
(side note: some people think pronged choke collars are mean....clearly winnie disagrees)
this is wonderful as he has proven hard to catch in the city.
the hard part was that he was on one side of a barbed wire fence, and i was on the other.
i got his leash on him and then wrapped the handle around a fence post so i could walk around the fence and lead him out.
then me and the dogs jogged home.
after that winnie spent all of tuesday tied to the deck, inside or on walks WITH A LEASH.

this morning, after a pep talk from ryan, i decided to give him another chance.
winston and luna took off around 7:00am, when we let them out, and came home by 10:00am.
i can't explain the relief when he came trotting up those stairs.
i am so screwed when i have kids.
they came and went all day, but i am happy to announce that as i type this to you, sitting out back, under a sky of (visible) stars, my little buddy is totally exhausted and sleeping on his bed next to my chair.

we went to look at houses today. nothing to report. as in we didn't really see anything we liked.
this doesn't worry me as much as it makes me sad.

but i can't dote on that....this moment is far too nice for that.

i hope this finds you well.
thanks for all your kind words and silent support.
it really has meant so much to me.


well, f*&#

cue it up...

so last night before arcade fire someone made the joke that we weren't really leaving, that it was all a conspiracy for us all to hang out more.
well... that wasn't the plan, but sometimes you don't get what you want.

we got the second appraisal back on the house today and it came back low again.
it would be stupid to buy a home that is worth less than what you are paying for it.
we offered the sellers the price that the house appraised for and they chose not to take it.
so...here we are.
we don't know what we are doing.
we are looking for other houses, we are looking at lots.
we are thinking of renting there or what we will do in the short (possibly medium) term here.
we have options. and they all will be considered...
once the shock wears off.

right liz? (i love you)

the last few weeks i have done so many "kansas city" things with so many of my favorite people.
i have been so greatful for the time and love that my friends have given me.
it has been go bittersweet wrapping my mind around leaving.
and now the game has changed again and i don't know quite where that leaves me...

a few days ago i was working in the basement listening to the radio and the new death cab song came on.
it spoke to me then, but perhaps even more so now.

"and if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born/then, it's time to go/and you find your destination with so many different places to call home"

what a strange place to be. i chose to leave somewhere i love. a life that i am happy with.
for the chance to be happier. to try something new.
to grow.
and when i finally get the balls to tell this city goodbye, it isn't the right time.

tomorrow:unpacking...at least the kitchen crap.

i guess she did say "wild and precious life"



not quite gone.
it is nice to have some extra time with friends.
and it doesn't hurt the packing side either.

so that is pretty much what i have been up to.
packing. some reading. lots of friends.

i took some more pictures for you.
this time in black and white for a more dramatic flair.
sorry if i am boring you with pictures of packing, but i am boring myself with packing.
at least you only have to look at the pictures.

OH! but i did accomplish quite a few unpacking related tasks today
1. found the arcade fire tickets that i suddenly realized i had no clue where they were (in a box)
2. gave missouri some tax money, which required finding a check book and an envelope (luckily they were both in the same box)
3. paid some billzzzz
4. bought a domain

that's right. there is a new baby on the way (and by baby i mean blog)....

until then, you get pictures....
e is for empty, to help me remember so i would stop opening each cabinet every 15 minutes

 how odd to be wrapping up your possessions in the obituaries of strangers...

 winston trying to be inconspicuous in bed

 remember these guys?
 these are all the boxes so far. not too bad considering this is all our kitchen crap, books, dvds, christmas decorations and my childhood toys and some other crap.

also, wtf is going on in the right window? this strange blurred out stuff.

i made this one bigger so you could see better. 
so bazaar.
if it is ghosts, or spirits or whatever i am glad i hadn't seen them until now.

time to make all you working folk proud and head outside for some reading and sunshine.
until next time...


today is the fourth day...

i wonder when i will stop counting the days...

on tuesday i was going to make a photo post of my packing.
when i didn't post them it carried on into wednesday.

this would be the house pre-cleaning on tuesday morning and winston.

the face of unemployment.

i went through all of my scarves and all though i have yet to wear one, i just can't let them go. 


eventually i will frame them or do something.
here are some favorites:

the dogs are ridiculously lazy. i can't believe i used to worry so much about them being bored when they were home alone.
i ignored winnie sleeping on the couch.
why should my change in schedule effect his?
luna loves her kennel.

b, getting his work on.

please note the clothes to empty hanger ratio. i had a lot of laundry to do.


then cleaning time

then it was time to set up for book club and enjoy the sun.
luna prefers hers in the planter boxes.

then book club happened. and it deserves it's own post.
but here are the ladies.
thanks for staying up way too late and drinking a little too much on a school night.

somehow i only have two pictures from book club.
i was having way too much fun to stop and take photos.

then came wednesday

so far today has consisted of this blog post, taking out the trash.
now i will move onto a shower, more laundry, some lunch and showing the vibe at 2:00.
fingers crossed.

it was beautiful and sunny that last few days.
today it is cooler and the sun is hidden.
every now and then it decides to rain.
i want it to storm.

hope you are well.


dubtf home buying.

b and i have been looking at houses for quite sometime in the kc area.
nothing ever was right. i don't think we even ever looked at a house a second time.
right before the decision to move to arkansas we finally started getting a little closer.
we weren't actively working with an agent, but i was stalking the internet.
we had finally decided that we wanted something with good bones that needed some love.
SOME love.
or was cheap enough to afford fired labor.
when we decided to move to the lake we were not able nor did we really want to be that picky.
we were looking in a very specific area. where there aren't a lot of homes to begin with. and the prices are all over the map.
and you pretty much have to be wanting to update a lake home that you plan to be your permanent residence.
so for location, price, size and layout we really love this house.
we had been by the house several times last summer.
on walks. runs. and 4 wheeler sides.
so when it was still on the market we decided we were interested.
ryan (b's bro) and di (his lovely wife) went to check it out for us.
then we went to look at it and there happened to be a ton of people at ryan and di's.
so we went and so did mere, ryan, di, nixon and will. when we went back later bill and julie (b's aunt and uncle) and his parents joined us.
everyone seemed pretty comfortable. so that is a good sign.
so then started the offer/counter offer process.
i would be no good at this, so i am glad that b. is the one in charge.
now we are waiting on loanshit.
the closing date didn't get adjusted on the contract after 10 days of going back and forth.
so we were set to close on the 11th. but that is still not final. it could be up to a week later.
so i may have quit my job one week early, but whatever.
loan crap is stressful.
ugh! grown up stuff!
i am so impatient!

in the mean time....anyone want to buy a vibe? PLEASE!


aaaaaaand i cried.

first at work.
just a little, but enough to really make me worry about tomorrow.
wednesday one of my favorite people at work was leaving for vacation.
he and i worked together at penton every now and then and i always really enjoyed him.
he left penton for intouch while i was still in the waiting process.
when i started  his desk was right outside the conference room that i shared with two lovely ladies. (remember?)
there has never been a time that i have interacted with him that he didn't make me laugh.
i didn't get teary, but it was the first goodbye.
and i felt it.

today was my first day of "real work". a whole day full!
it felt great. it is all so bittersweet.

then  my friend joanna, who i heard about the company from, came by to tell me bye as she will not be in tomorrow.
i will see her again though before i go (right jo?!).
but i will miss being able to randomly pop in on her just to say hello.
at the end of the day our EVP came by my desk.
in preparation for my interview i read her whole blog 
my second interview was with her. .
it was so interesting to me.
the challenge that is marketing for pharma.
to be innovative in such a restricted and regulated industry.
her mock letter from pharmaceutical companies to their consumers is still one of the smartest things i have read in a while.
she is passionate. she is great at what she does.
she is a wonderful leader. and she is kind.
and she, along with my bosses and all my coworkers, have been so wonderful and kind about my leaving.
so when she came by to let me know she would be out tomorrow and to say goodbye it really got me.
i hate that i am a crier, but i don't know how to stop it.
i don't bawl, but the tears spill out.
such sincere words.
i warned my bosses that i would be a mess tomorrow and i tried to book it out.
in the car i just let it go.
and again now.
 i am just so overwhelmed with emotion.

when i was little i wanted to go to notre dame and be a lawyer.
when i graduated from high school i wanted to go to cosmetology school.
when i was in college i decided i was going to be a career woman.
and at 28 i have decided that i want to try something new.

tomorrow is the last day of a lot more than my job.

drunken clarity

last friday night we decided to use our groupon for a one night stay at hotel phillips.
it also happened that ku was playing that night, so we met friends at the p&l to watch the game then proceeded to the zoo bar to achieve a proper drunk and then back to the p&l to get a final shot of doucheyness.
at around 1:00am b and i walked back to the hotel.
he fell asleep (with the hiccups, which was pretty entertaining) and i was wide awake.
after a few more glasses of wine my mind began to wander.
so i picked up a pen and paper and let it all out.

here it is.
pardon the jumping around, the sloppy handwriting and the bad spelling.

thanks for being awesome.


"tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life"

winding roads.
screened in porch.
bike riding.
rock climbing.
wake boarding.
house guests.

on april 11 b, luna, wintson and i are moving to arkansas.


i'm late. i'm late!

(not pregnant.)
just late, for a very important date!
no time to say hello-goodby!
i'm late. i'm late. i'm late!

after hearing that in your head does anyone else hear "we are siamese if you please, we are siamese if you don't please"?
at some point in my childhood disney had to have had a commercial or movie preview that had a clip from alice in wonderland, followed with the clip from lady and the tramp.
and ever since then every time i say i'm late, i hear the white rabbits little ditty, immediately followed up with the cats.
this happens all the time to me. i am constantly playing word connections in my head.
even getting this far there were so many saying and lyrics.
lady and the tramp always cues up sinatra's lady is a tramp
and for some reason, when i hear the cats it is not the chariceter's voices i hear, but my mothers.
did this really happen?
white rabbit of course sets off jefferson airplane and then i think about krista.
do other people pay attention to their thought processes?

anyway, sorry i left you hanging on thursday.
it was st.patrick's day and all though i had no desire to take the day off to get drunk, i couldn't help but think about the many years that i did.
it also didn't help that it was 80 out.
i was like a 4 year old on a road trip at work.
couldn't sit still. went to the bathroom a million times.
consumed too much sugar.
i left around 4:30 and met shaun, dusty and some cider on the back porch.
we kicked on some oldies and jill and kelly joined us.
on her way down our street jill saw some guy passed out on the sidewalk with his head hanging over the curb.
she came to tell us she was going to walk down there and by the time we walked the less than half a block back, he was gone.
we assume he was scooped up the porch partiers a few houses down.
i think it is a good bet that he originated from that party.
we sat out back and enjoyed the weather.
made 3 boxes of mac'n'cheese with real butter and half and half with a splash of water.
it was good.
we played some cards.

i try and get these guys done on wednesday night.
but i got my hair done and then ran into gretch on the interwebs and we skyped it up.
we talked about many things, but the one i remember best is gretchen's disgust with the toilet situation in kuala lumpur. 
since it was nice out wednesday too, brad and kel came by for a beer.
then all the sudden it was 11...and i needed to get to bed reading.

for book club we chose sharp objects by gillian flynn.
i started reading it last week i think?
once i got about 17% in i didn't want to put it down.
(note:this is the first book i have read front to back on the kindle and my biggest complaint is knowing what page i am on...and that saying "read it front to back" just doesn't seem correct anymore)
so when i wasn't hanging out with friends, enjoying the weather i was reading.

now it is friday night.
after work today i went to maddy & me to get a baby gift.
then had dinner with brian.
and then came home and finished the book.
it was good. she has another one that i think i will have to read too.

so i have been cheating on complaining with books, friends and one of my favorite ladies, spring.
and i hope you have been too!


onion bunion

i have gross feet.
i think we kind of touched on this last week when talking about the vffs
my second and third toes on both feet are longer than my big toes.
some people say that you are supposed to be smarter if your second toe is longer than your first.
i am not sure what they say about you if your second and third are...
these are my alien toes.
my fourth toes are both crooked and fold into my third toes.
my pinkies are tiny, have creepy small nails and fit like a awkward puzzle piece into my fourth toes.
the contour of my foot is more or less a smooth line, sickly mirroring the shape of the toe bed in a high heel.
i have wide feet. with high arches.
there is a family history of bunions.
my feet certainly looks like canidates.

a few weeks ago i noticed that the stickyouty part on the outside of my left foot, near the base of my pinkie toe, was sticking out more than usual.
and it was sore.
great. bunions.

i am suddenly 80 years old.

i got a reference from a friend and called monday to make an appointmet.
they were able to get me in this week.
which is great.
i am a wuss and when something is wrong with me i like to get it all squared away as soon as possible.
b says i am a bit of  hypocondriact.
liz suggested i get an onion tattooed on my bunion.

this is amazing.
an onion bunion.
a bunion onion.
pure genius.
does this make anyone else laugh?
feet are not really attractive. especially not mine.
so the idea of drawing attention to something as gnarly as a bunion is awesome.

while i waited to be seen i played on my phone, but couldn't block out the informational dvd that was playing.
explaining the symptoms and possible treatments for all the major foot issues.
plantar fasciitis. ingrown toe nails. bunions. corns. callouses.
i was totally grossed out.

the nurse took me back to the examination room.
and asked all the new patient questions.
and then she told me that she was interested in seeing my foot from the description the receptionist had left in my file.
and then i remembered how i described it to the receptionist...
like a bone is sticking out of the side of my foot.
as i remembered what i said, she read it out loud and we both busted out laughing.
i mean, that is accurate, but sounded so extreme.
she said she has been waiting all day to see what was really going on with me.
the doctor was as easy to get along with as the nurse.
it was as pleasant as a trip to a podiatrist could be.

i am not getting an onion on my bunion.
but i did get a shot of cortizone in it.
turns out i only have a small tailor's bunion (aka bunionette).
they call it a tailor's bunion because they were thought to be caused by sitting cross legged.
i got to see x-rays of my foot.
turns out that i have a large metatarsal.
not your average, run of the mill, curved bone that is usually the cause of bunions.
my sexy bunionette is surrounded by some inflamed flesh.
probably from wearing high heels to work.
just sitting in high heels all day.
not dancing all night...
when i was in college i used to go dancing.
many times a week.
and if it was any night but sunday, i was dancing my ass off in at least three inch stilettos.
hours and hours of dancing that would leave me looking like i ran through a sprinkler.
clothes hanging off me, drenched with sweat.
those days are long over.

so i got a shot in my bunion...pretty exciting week.



i can't believe it is march.
i mean, i know february is a short month, but HOLY!
i was supposed to have reached my goal weight by the end of this month.
that did not happen.
i am still seeing progress, but i am not quite there yet.
i am not tracking well. i am not exercising enough.
i will get there...but that is two failed goals in two months!
serious dislike.
the future looks bright though. this week we were able to take the dogs on a nice long walk/run.
and b and i got spiffy new vibram fivefingers.
i got the bikila ls
mine are a little muddy now...
i had worn them around in the house and to work, but hadn't exercised in them yet.
i have read plenty on easing yourself into them and have no desire to be intensely sore.
after 45 min of walking/running my arches and toes were tired. but i felt good.
and i am a little sore, but good sore.
it was also winston's first walk with us.
he did okay, until the end when he keep leaping at cars.
thank god for his "mean" collar... or we might have one dead dog.
one thing to note is that since i started wearing these shoes i have noticed how uncomfortable my other shoes are.
this is a bit of am bummer as i am not ready to be full blown granola.

speaking of granola...
a few weeks ago i flipped open a prAna catalog and was met a version of this

i immediately took the staples out of the spine, taped the spread together, slapped it in a frame and gave it a home, so i could be reminded of it daily.
inspiration will find you in the funniest places.
the poem that the line comes from is equally as beautiful.
and with spring flirting with us, it all seems too right.

enjoy friends

The Summer Day 

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?


time capsule

today i randomly thought about myspace.
and so i went to check out my old page.
i couldn't remember my password.
and then i had to think if my signin was with my gmail or my hotmail.
once i figured all that out i logged into my old pal myspace.
or my_____. as it prefers to be called.

all of my updates are from the recordbar or bands.
i have 10 unread messages. all from bands.
i have no idea when i last logged in.
i went to my profile.
i don't even look like myself.

my last status is from may 2009.

my playlist consists of:
first aid kit (uh???who?)
noah and the whale
of montreal
animal collective
kate nash
the bird and the bee
iron and wine
the hood internet
good to know some things never change.

and some things do change...

i match my socks now.
most of the time.
i still don't give a shit, but i guess b did somewhere along the way.
and in the grand scheme of things, asking your 28 year old girlfriend to at least match the childish socks she loves to wear isn't asking a whole lot
i still am not very good at going with the flow.
and there is the link to this sweet little blog.

nothing too shocking here.
i used to be so much better about music though.

i looked around for maybe a total of 5 minutes.
there are ads everywhere.
it was strange to see my top 12 and remember all the bullshit surrounding the order that you placed your friends in.

myspace went through a major redesign last year, but clearly not so major that i gave a shit to check it out.
did you?

according to this article the redesign was supposed to take myspace out of the social networking world and reposition it as a "social entertainment destination".
that explains all the band and venue messages.
the article also says that it's efforts were focused towards a younger audience.
so perhaps that is why i missed it, but i highly doubt it.
i am sure it will come as no surprise to mention that myspace is failing horribly.
i was made aware by friend at work today that the company has had massive layoffs recently.
apparently they laid off 47% of their staff in january.
am i the only one who completely missed this?

on the login page for myspace you can link it to your facebook in something described as a "Mashup"?
i had to know more.
google led me to an artcile from pc world called "myspace's facebook 'mashup'--why bother?"
my sentiments exactly.
the author jokes- "I'm guessing approximately four people are excited by this development"

out of all my facebook friends three of them have mashed it up.

RIP myspace.
thanks for the memories.
and being my first social networking addiction.