here we are again, at the end of another year.
this has been an amazing year for me, all though i am not quite ready for the 2010 recap.

but i am ready to talk about goals.

in a post from last year i talked about the progress i had made on my goals and with that i carried them over with me to 2010.
so here is a little progress report:

1) i wanted to be a healthier person.
this goal carried over well with me into 2010 and i have continued to make progress on it. i started out the year doing the mayo clinic diet. in april i joined weight watches.since january of last year i have lost over 30 pounds and maintained keeping 23 of them off. i have a goal set to be at my goal weight of 146 by the end of febuary, which is still attainable.
i don't think that this goal of being healthy should ever drop off the list. there is always something i can be doing to take better care of myself. i think my biggest single accomplishment in this department this year was doing at least 45 min of activity a day for the month of june. it was quite a commitment! but i made it and was rewarded by my sense of accomplishment and the loss of almost 10 pounds in one month. i will continue to set mini-goals in this area to help me be successful.
so the first two are the second annual no-eating-out-january and to be at 146 by the end of febuary.

2) I wanted to show my art
i signed up for the arts and crafts show at work and sold one thing. i then put the remaining products up on facebook and sold two more. i wasn't happy with what i had to offer at the craft show. it was unthoughtful and just not me. but i did it and i put myself out there....
and then i was asked to do a first friday at hairpins salon. and that is when my dream came true. i found out about the show in june and then everything got put on the back burner for work. i pushed the show from august to september, but knew that was all the wiggle room i could get. so for a few months i was either working on work or working on the show. i had a lot more in the archives than i thought...thank god.
i made several new pieces as well.
i got the show hung and set my prices. setting prices was nervewrecking.
seeing my show hanging was overwhelming and so gratifying.
the show was amazing. i barely remember any of it. the weather was wonderful. i was surrounded by friends and family and strangers. b surprised me by flying my girl liz in. and i sold about 75% of my show.

this had been a goal of mine for sometime and i can't thank liana enough for giving me the opportunity to accomplish this goal. it was one of the best nights of my life. and i look forward to this is my heART #2.

i had also talked about starting an etsy shop. and it was my goal for the winter, but i just don't think it fits in my life right now. in order to have an etsy shop i would need artshits to sell and i am currently running low. in fact, i OWE people art. so...first things first.... if this makes you sad then commission a piece :)

3) I wanted to write here more
in 2008, when i started the blog, i posted 23 times
in 2009 i posted 18
in 2010 i posted 13
so i will carry this goal over with me to 2011.
my friend kelly recently started blogging  and her goal is to post something every tuesday. i think this is a smart approach and i am going to jump on the once a week bandwagon! i am not sure which day yet, but at the end of next year i better have 52 posts!

this year i also accomplished personal goal i had set coming out of college to be making a $XX,XXX by the time i turned 30. please take my word for it, that the number is VERY reasonable, but this does not effect the gratification i feel from accomplishing the goal. AND i am two years early :)

so what is on the agenda for this year?

1) to be a healthier person
2) to make my house a home
3) to start a savings account, contribute to it regularly and not touch it
4) to make a (probably small) quilt
5) to  blog once a week

what is on your 2011 list?


a box of tissues in and no end in sight

i felt shitty last night. i didn't sleep well. i was hot. it hurt to swallow. i couldn't stay asleep and i also couldn't turn my mind off.
i called in sick today, went to the doctor and found out it is not strep, so that is good. i got a z-pack.

i have been fighting off something or another since before mexico and i know i am overly stressed, but until tonight i couldn't pin point about what.

i mean, there have been all of the obvious stuff...

work had been stressful since the start of summer.
mexico was a much welcome, needed and enjoyed vacation, but probably not exactly what my immunity system needed.
we got home thursday.  week before thanksgiving.
we got a new dog on friday and he injured himself immediately.
the stress from not knowing where he came from and what secrets he may have was more intense than i had budgeted for.
(yes. i budget my stress)
i found out i got the job on wednesday. about 5 minutes after getting out of the shower and about 30 minutes before hosting a dinner for 25 of my favorite people.
a busy thanksgiving break.
the dread of putting in my two weeks.
the insanity of trying to do everything i could to get everyone as set up as possible before i left.
saying goodbye to the people that have been my third family and the one i have spent the most time with-my work family.
walking into a brand new place and realizing that i really must have sold myself well to get there.
and being petrified that i didn't make the right decision.

but tonight... tonight i figured out the real issue.
the biggest stressor.
the one that i thought i could just ignore and it would go away.

when i got on facebook tonight i saw my sister's status.
it read "it's almost over"
i went to respond to her..."i feel you and i love you. try to be strong big siiiiister (enter the BAWLING) and i will too. promise?"
there it is.
the big one.
my sister and her family are not coming home for christmas and it is fucking killing me. her. mom. dad. all of us.
i picked up the phone so we could cry about it together for the first time.and cry we did.
cry and cry and cry and cry.
and now i, like my mom and sister have apparently been for weeks, can't stop crying.
my be strong mantra is something like "we should be thankful to have something so wonderful that i hurts us this much to go without it"
but it doesn't help.  
and trying to be strong wasn't helping either.

this is the first time in the existence of our family that we haven't all been together. 

i won't really know what to do with myself.
i don't really know what to do with myself.
i could sit here and list all of the things that will feel wrong or be missing but that would be torture.
i think that i can sum it up by saying that this will be the hardest christmas for this family thus far.
i am so sad. sadder than i have been in a long time. and all the people i love the most are just as sad. and there is nothing that any of us can do about it. but find comfort in the fact that we are all in the same place emotionally, if not physically.
and promise that we will never let it happen again.

now i understand why i brought up all my christmas shit, unpacked it, and then put it away.
why i have had no desire to make gifts for anyone, when usually i can't wait.
why i have been avoiding the idea of christmas like the plague.
why i did most of my shopping online, in one night.
why i teared up at target when i saw the silly christmas jammies.

so here i am, sitting on my couch, listening to sigur ros, bawling, and counting down with my family until the 26th of december.

but it is amazing how much better my throat feels when i am crying.
and how much loser my body feels.
and how good it feels to finally just feel it.

i have literally made myself sick from keeping all this sad inside me.

we will get through this. but please excuse my emotional unavailability until then.


'tis the season

friday morning i woke up feeling less than good.
friday evening i left work feeling like crap.
friday night i missed craft night, had a kickin fever and hated the idea of swallowing my own spit, let alone anything else.

i also started my now twice daily regimen:
1/8 tsp cayanne pepper in about 8 oz hot water. gargle. spit. repeat until you can't take any more.
2 TBSP apple cider vinnegar. 3 TBSP water. plus nose. gargle. swallow. repeat until gone. try not to barf. rise out mouth with water.
chug emergen-c
drink hot tea, honey, lemon

also: tylenol every six hours and cold compresses whenever b calls me an inferno.

i still felt crappy when i got up this morning, but less crappy than yesterday.
today we went to lunch, costo and cleaned the house...well most of the house.

i did not get nearly the amount of stuff done that i needed to get done this weekend.
but i fear that i also didn't get all the rest i needed to get.
also on friday night one of my dear friends delivered a happy, healthy baby boy!!
urgh. i want to snuggle that little guy!

this is the worst time to be sick!
i still don't feel 100%. i will reassess the situation tomorrow and see if i should go to work or go to the doctor.
i hate to be the new girl that calls in sick, but i also hate to be the new girl that gets everyone sick before christmas.

i also hate to be the girl that is sick at christmas.

apple cider vinegar, here i come.
healing thoughts please!


new j.o.b.

i was trying to update my facebook status in response to people asking about my new job, but if kept being too long.

so i figured i would bring it here.

it has been quite some time.

i started a new job yesterday.
this is my second job of my adult life.
it reminds me of starting a new semester in college.
first of all, all i was really thinking about last week was what the hell am i going to wear on my first day?
of course i was dreading my last day and saying goodbye to these people that i have spent the last 4 years of my life with.
but my residing thought was about my clothing.

yesterday was pretty comparable to a first day of class.
meet new people whose names you can't remember.
see your new desk for the first time.
get information on who to contact about what. how things work. where things are. what is expected from you.

i don 't have an office a cube yet. i share a small conference room with two other girls. we are all fairly new. we all do different things. but it is a nice way to get to know new people. the conference room is a corner room, so we have lots of sunlight in the afternoon. i don't have a phone yet. i don't have a docking station or monitor. i do have a mouse. and i am going to ask for a keyboard. i always manage to hit the mouse pad or cursor and mess myself up mid-sentence.

the people seem to be very busy, but generally happy. the office has a certain energy to it. people are focused and getting things done. people look you in the eye and are kind.the kitchens are stocked with soda, tea, coffee, water and have been overflowing with food from the holidays.  the demographics of the people that i work with at the new job are totally different than before. the culture is totally different.
the job is totally different.

most of the account team members that i have met come from an agency background....advertising, PR or marketing.
but they knew i didn't have that. that isn't what i will bring to this team.
what i bring to this team is my experience working with clients. making them happy. building a relationship with them. communicating clearly and concisely with them.i bring my organizational and time management skills. my ability to stay at least on top of-if not ahead of-the game.

i don't have to dress up any more than i did before, but i feel like i need to look nicer. this is not a bad thing.

today i spent time getting familiar with the products i will be working with and their websites, twitter accounts and facebook pages. i set up meetings to learn about the different departments and their functions.  i am going to be sitting in on some client calls and strategy type meetings. i went through training on how to bill clients and use the internal IT ticketing system.

i am going to be learning a lot.
and i am excited about it.

i have always wanted to work at an agency. and i am excited about this opportunity.  it feels great to be in such a creative and fast paced environment.
so there :) that is how my job is going


a big goal to cross off my list and a dream come true

friends, please come share this very special and important night with me!
i know i am a bad blogger, but i hope you will think i am a better creator

i hope this find you well and i hope to see you at the show!
with love, pure childhood excitement and real grown up nerves...



is there anyone out there?

my lord it has been a minute!
my last post was on march 21. and i talked about lacking motivation...ya think?

okay, so it is june 2.
here is what you have missed and or been a part of
i was alllllll diet last time we talked.
i was going to reread the mayo clinic diet, i was going to educate myself and rededicate myself to my pursuit of healthiness.
i didn't reread the mayo clinic book.
in fact, i think all that i read since then is a chealsea handler book for book club.

but i did join weight watchers. april 25.
like full blown go to meetings weight watchers. people are more successful if they attend the meetings and i must be successful. i want to be a healthy person!
i can't fail two diets in one year.
EXCUSE ME! did i say two diets? one diet, one lifestyle change. hehe.

i am currently down 6.6 pounds and things are going well.
i am stil doing couch 2 5k. i know it is a 9 week program, but it has been more for me. i finally did my first 25 minute run last weekend and it felt great!

my goal for this month is 45 minutes of (at least) moderate activity a day. every day.
two days in and i am kicking ass.

lots of other things have happened in the last few months.
bacon finally found a home, which involved a last minute weekend road trip to indianapolis with sarah.which was awesome. perhaps i will tell you all about the vet situation, but i am not ready to relive it yet and i also haven't decided how i feel about it. anyway, it was great to get to catch up. that is the most time that we had spent together since high school, so it was great that somewhere, someway, somethings will always just be a certain way.

this is the first time in since i was 20 that i don't have a pet of my very own. of course, there is luna. (who got a puppy cut and is stupid cute)

we have been camping for the first time this season and also made it down to the lake all ready.
i got up on the wake board every try.
this felt good.
once i was up i would start to think about what i need to do next.
and then i would eat shit.
wake boarding. wake surfing. still both things that i never thought i would be into, but really enjoy.
i also got to tube. i am tubing a badass.

i dyed my hair blonde. twice.
i got a promotion at work.
i turned twenty eight.
i officially moved in with bryce.
and i will be showing my artshits at hairpins (an adorable salon owned by a fabulous friend) in late fall.

i am loving looking at all these blogs and gathering inspiration.
this weekend i hope to get the rest of my things gone through. unpacked. repacked or relocated. then i hope to be able to set up a little space in the guest room to let the inspiration flow.
i also need to hit up some garage sales/antique malls/thrift stores and/or see if anyone has old wood, windows, whatever.

if you do hit me up.

i hope to share my progress.

i am also thinking about starting a new blog.

and planting this seed in the back of my mind

we are almost half way through this year all ready.
i can hardly believe it.
i hope life has been kind to you...

here are a few things that are making me drool


can a bitch get some motivation?

what is going on with me!?
i still have the eye on the prize, but can't seem to get myself to play by the rules and make smart decisions.
i think i need to reread the diet book, pick up "in defense of food" and really get motivated again.
the eight inches of snow aren't helping.
i am doing pretty well on exercising. it is the making smart decisions part that i could get better at.
i got down to 166 and then the scale went back up to 170 and has stayed right around there for a week now.
i need to take my measurements. if i have shown some progress there then it will probably motivate me to want to continue to improve. but if i show no progress, what will that do to the motivation?
i am such a pussy.
after this message i am going to make some breakfast, sit down with some cookbooks and the mayo clinic journal and plan a week worth of meals. (except wednesday...that is opera night)
having a plan and sticking to it is a habit i need to form.
i also need to make it to the gym today to finish w1d3 of couchto5k.
i tired to be flexible in my gym schedule last week and it just didn't work out well. i still made it monday night for bodyweights and the first c25k. tuesday beans and i met in the morning and lifted and did some floor work.
wednesday we met in the morning with our trainer and then did c25k after work. then thursday i didn't get up before work and go to the gym, when i knew i wouldn't be working out Thursday night. friday i was going to meet jill in the mornin, but then decided i would go after work. and then i just never went.
i did go out to dinner and drank a lot of wine and a lot of gin and a lot of tequila. i haven't been drunk in a while and it was fun. we had a living room dance party and i tried to work my abs as much as possible.

i am not kidding.

side note...i don't recommend the farmhouse.

yesterday we got up, i ate biscuits and gravy. then slept for 3 hours. took a shower. went to a mary kay party (don't be jealous), drank beer and ate cheese fries and pizza watching KU choke. and then i did nothing all night.
see where things went wrong?
the only plants i ate yesterday were strawberries, grapes, tomatoes on cheese fries and canned mushrooms that i mostly picked off of my pizza.
and the only exercise i got was walking up 3 flights of stairs to get to momilla's.
*sigh* i am going to try and take measurements today.

snowinginspring, kck


i hate running. probably because i am not good at it.

when i played soccer we used to have to run between 5 and 9 miles almost every practice....in the hot and in the cold and through all kinds of strains, sprains and high school hangovers...
and i hated it.
with all my being.
i played with a lot of girls who were runners. who loved running. and who still love running.
and were good at it.
i was bad at it.
so i hated it even more, naturally
(read: i have a hard time doing things that i don't know that i will be good at. it is an issue, but i am getting better)
and i decided to hate running forever.
but recently bryce and i were talking about running 5ks and i realized that i think it would be a cool accomplishment.
and i thought about couch-to-5k 
the idea really intrugies me.
and it is an accomplishable goal.

i think at some point i will do it.

with that being said...my knee is not cooperating.

it was hurting pretty bad for a while and then i stopped doing zumba about a month ago...and started doing pilates and yoga with training and body weights. 
then, when i started doing two hours at the gym, i started doing cardio again. 
and i was really enjoying it.
my knee hurt a little,.sometimes. but not like it was before.
saturday i did pilates at 9am. then lifted for about 25 minutes. and did 45 minutes of cardio.
sunday i didn't make it to the gym.
monday i went to a class that is an hour long, alternating 10 min or cardio with 10 minutes of "toning"...like hand weights and leg lifts. then did 45 min of the elliptical and then 15 minutes of stretching.
last night i did the elliptical for 40 minutes, walked for about 15
and then beans and i worked out with our trainer.
my knee was a little achy before. and after.
tonight i went and walked for about twenty minutes and then went to do
a weights class and had to leave.
i left twenty minutes into class and went and bought a knee brace (that i should have done a while ago) and then cried about it.
it is really frustrating. i feel that same shitty feeling i did when i hurt my foot last january.
i am going to wear the brace to work out  in. continue taking aleve as the doctor suggested and hope that it stops being sore. 
but i think that i am going to need to go back and probably get an mri to see what the problem is. 
i can feel and hear that something isn't right.
i am just not ready to be able to work out.if something is wrong. 
it is the way to make calories go away. if i am eating a little worse i can make up for it on the elliptical.
so maybe my knee shitting out on me will be a nice way to learn to get my diet reigned in.

stuck at 168. but still have lots of drive. 
the first weekend in march i am doing to go a two day cleanse and then back to the "lost ie" phase of the diet for two weeks. 
the beginning of april i go to nyc for liz's 30th. and i would like to be in the low 160s by then.

i hope things are good for you. 
one month until the spring equinox...
mmm. i can't wait!


mirror, mirror

i used to have a lot of pictures of myself. a lot of them i took myself.
days like today, slightly bright and completely cloudy used to be my favorite.
i haven't taken pictures in a lot time.
i finally want to again.


lifechange freeish

i just discovered that i have a have fallen in love with year long blogs.
i fell in love with the idea of 3191 a year of mornings after reading a recommendation in real simple.
i freaking love real simple.
it is about two friends, who are 3191 miles apart
one in portland, maine and one in portland, orgeon...
who each take a picutre every morning and post it to each other as a blog.
which then became a book.

i love this idea.
i couldn't help but think of liz and wish that we had something like it. 
(liz read: sorry i just ruined your christmas present. i will hand deliver it in april. promise)

i recently watched julie and julia  recently and really enjoyed it.
and really wished that i would have read the book first.
and the blog  too.

i have looked at weight-loss blogs that people post on daily.

i love when people do 365 days on flickr.

today gretch sent me a link to dust breeding.
this guy is making a thing everyday for 365 days (or more).
paintings and drawings and songs and videos and crafts.
thank you gretchy.
it is really great.

as soon as i read her description and saw his work i thought:

i want to do a 365.

but what a big undertaking!
you can't just say that you will do something for the next 365 days and then not follow through.
i haven't even gone 365 days straight with brushing my teeth in my life!
the only things that i can guarantee that i do daily are things i must do so i don't die.
you know...blinking, breathing.going to the ladies...all that jazz.

that is a lot of pressure.
i would hate to let you down.
what would i pick?
how insane will it make the b man?
this is something i am going to think about for a while.
maybe once i am looking for a new challenge i will look back to this
until then, any suggestions?

off to tally up the calories...


get ur eagle on.

i am starting to get my confidence back.
i met up with gretch on friday after work.
she had a shit day.
we went to happy hour. i drank three tequila/soda/lime-s. and ate half of a philly (no side).
we extended happy hour to another bar for some other type of tequila drink. got in an argument with a guy who hosts parties to promote a med spa in joco (think: forty two, flamboyant and pumped full of botox...did i mention drunk and obnixious?)
we were having too much fun.
gretch even told jokes!
i decided this kind of night it worthy of a hangover and we agreed to make this a late night situation
around 10 we went to gusto.
had a gin and tonic while we listened to some smooooooth old 45s and then decided to go upstairs and check out the dj.
gretch got me some lovely stawberry, booze, cilantro combination.
and then we started dancing.
this was around 10:45. 
at 2:00 in the morning i walked off the dance floor, drenched in sweat, with my feet killing me.

that was one of the best workouts i have had in a long time.
and my feet are still sore, my abs hurt, my legs ache, and my shoulders feel thoroughly worked.
it was a 3 hour, full body workout.
i look forward to doing in all over again, minus the hangover.

i hadn't had that kind of fun in a long time.
i hadn't felt good enough about myself to get out there and dance for a while.
i hadn't really wanted to go out a lot, because i wasn't happy with the way i looked.
i don't like the way my clothes have been fitting.
i hate trying on everything in my closet and picking the one that touches me the least. i am not ashamed of myself, i just know that i am not at my best.
but that have the ability to change that.
yesterday i put on some jeans that i got for christmas.
when my mom gave them to me they did not fit.
i could button them, but they weren't comfortable.
and gave me a pretty rockin muffin top.
yesterday i put them on.
they fit!
it is those "fuck yes" moments that i try to turn to when faced with making the healthy choice.
it doesn't always work, but most of the time it does the job.
this week was a god week for me.
monday jill and i did pilates...bryce and i can't remember what we ate on monday ( i have been really bad about keeping logs), but it was vegetables of some sort.
tuesday i walked before we did training and then holly came over after. we ate spianch, tomato, mozz and olive oil on flat out bread.
wednesday night i just came home from work and gretch came over and we had the quiona stuffed bell peppers.
super good vegan dish.
thursday morning jill and i worked out early.
i fell out of the morning workouts in the late fall and so it was nice to be reminded of how much i liked it.even if i could just get up early to start my day stress free.
i took my waist measurement that morning and i am down a little over and inch.
this feels great! i am also finally out of the 170s.
that night the the point  reopened!
they did a wonderful job with the remodel and it was great to see so many old friends.
friday i did yoga at work at lunch.
and the dance party that night.
saturday i was a little hungover, but still got up early for a tour of the roasterie  and brunch with some lovely ladies.
we went to chez elle in the westide.
i had had a gruyere, mushroom and spinach crepe with a fruit smoothie (just frozen fruit and apple juice) .
last night we hung out with kel and tommy at larry and renee's.
i watched my first ku game of the season and throughly enjoyed it.
dinner was tasty AND healthy and i had three glasses of wine.
we got home a little after midnight.
got up this morning at a decent hour and without hangover.
i ate all right.
i got some new workout clothes (marshalls. so cheap)
and the highlight of my day- jill and i went to an hour and a half yoga class and then to see lovely bones.
then the store, dinner and this here blog.

i really enjoyed the yoga. a lot. there is another yoga class with the same instructor on wednesdays.
i hope to attend. and hope bryce will come with.
this week will be the second week of pilates. i am looking forward to it.

oh, and we are officially able to eat out
i didn't make it all month, but it was only a few times-so i am not upset about it.
the new goal is to only eat out once a week. so if one of us burns it on a lunch, we aren't able to go out to dinner together.
i will be interested to see how this pans out :) i think it will make going out seem like more of a special occasion. and not a regular option for food. so it won't get in the way of my health goals or the money saving.

i has almost been one month since i started this diet.
day 1 was january 4.
this thursday will be a month.
sounds like a good time for a recap...
until then-i hope you are well.


before i drink my wine..

time for more diet lifechange talk. sorry, but this is a pretty big part of my life right now.
most of my writing has been saved for dionne, meredith and i's emails.
i can't tell you how great that little support team of mine is.
i also have been happy to hear people reach out on the google group.

tonight, i am free, so i figured i would check in.

things are going pretty well. i am out of the first two weeks and onto the long term life change part.
the first two weeks were kinda moody for me. the timing may not have been my best, but i figure that like most big changes, there is never a perfect time.
overall i did okay.
i really got to confront my emotional eating (hellllllllo jose peppers once a week. nothin a little chez can't fix...right?).
i did not get to check all of the boxes on my check sheets every day and that was frustrating at times, but also important for me not just to be completing the goals so i could say i did. i needed to do them because they are important habits to make or break and by honestly taking them to heart and applying them to my daily life i will reap the benifits in my health and my hips.
now i do not have to follow the rules as strictly and i must find where these habits fit into my life, from here forward.
i am not supposed to count calories anymore. instead i am to eat from the mayo clinic food pyramid.
i am to eat at least 4 servings of vegetables a day,
i am to eat at least 3 servings of fruit a day.
i am allowed 4 servings of grain. 3 servings of protein/dairy. 3 servings of fat (healthy is preferred). and 75 calories of sweets
they suggest that you plan each meal out to make sure you get it all in.
i kinda think about it. then figure out after lunch what i have left and try to make dinner accordingly. this is fairly easy during the week....when i am not on that work, gym, home, sleep, repeat scheudle
things are not as easy.
it is like i have to have rules or don't make the best decisions...like i woke up at 10:30 today...made breakfast sammies and oranges and some green machine. went out for coffee (non fat latte for me) with a friend and had some fruit around 2.had a bag of carrots on the way to run errands. then ate a slice of combo (all though it was pretty veg tastic...but totally white crust) pizza around 4 and now i am not really hungry. so lets see...
i am allowed 4 servings of grains- i have had all 4
i am allowed 3 servings of protein/dairy- i have had 5
i am allowed 3 servings of fat- i have had 2
i am to have at least 3 servings of fruit- i have had 4
i am to have at least 4 servings of veggies- i have had 2

but i am only really looking at it because i am breaking it down for you guys. i am pretty sure that without realizing what my day looked like i was going to eat some cheese and crackers (pushing me over on grains and WAYYY over on protein and dairy). so now, if i want to try and end this day on a good note i should just snack on some fruits and veggies and call it a night.

according to mayo i should just be using the pyramid to make sure i am getting the right foods. they say that you shouldn't have to count calories if you are using the pyramid. i do.
i was keeping them by hand, but now have been using dailyplate.com to track. it is much easier too. i want to still make sure that i am creating some kind of weight loss deficit on most days. it also lets me know if i should reaaaaallllly be having a glass of wine.
sometimes i listen.
tonight, i won't...but i will chug a V8 first.


just a quickie

real quick, before i get back to work...
this is a bit harder than i thought it would be.
i now see that i won't have time to be in front of my computer at home because my life will now evolve around food prep.
i didn't think about this before, not sure why.
today has two fails all ready, there was sugar in my yogurt and i didn't eat "real food" for lunch, i had premade soup.
things are looking all right on the calorie front.
the book suggested 1200 calories, but that will not fly for me. i think 1400 sounds about right and i am on track to be right about there.
tonight i will be doing 30 min of walking and an hour long boot camp class.

back to work!


all right. here we go...

tomorrow begins (what feels like) the first day of a new me.
i feel like i am on the cusp of something major that i have wanted for a long time...
to be a healthy person.
bryce and i agreed to not eat out for the month of january, but i felt like i needed something else.
my cousin started the south beach diet and she looks and feels wonderful.
but i knew that wasn't  the right fit for me.
i also tossed around the ideas of eating gluten free.
but again, didn't feel like the right fit.
while visiting brcye's brother and his family in arkansas, di (his sister-in-law) and i had a chance to talk about our plans for the new year.
she and i used to walk together when they lived in kc and we always chat about diet and exercise, among many other things, when we get to hang out.
we talked about how it would be nice to be able to have an open dialog with someone- to share successes and setback and frustrations and milestones with.
i initiated our first email yesterday.
since then i have also talked to bryce's sister, mere, and she is in too.
i think this little support system, along with jill's enthusiasm for the gym, will be a welcome addition to this new lifestyle.
we are a bit spread out....arkansas, kansas city and seattle....but i think this can also work to our advantage.
we all have our own reasons for wanting to get in shape.
we all have our own goals.
we all have our own obsticals.
and we all are trying different diets.
weight watchers.
the dr.oz diet.
and mine, the mayo clinic diet.
realsimple (my bible) suggested this diet to me (in a mass email).
so i thought i would check it out.
i looked into it online and it is, in fact, from the actual mayo clinic.
and it is also, in fact, very reasonable.
i went out yesterday in the bitter cold and picked it up. there is also a journal, that i passed on, and their cookbook, which i plan to get.
the first part of the diet last for two weeks, the "lose it" phase.
this phase is set to jump start your weight loss and healthy living.
it is set up to add five good habits- eat breakfast, eat fruits and veggies, eat whole grains, eat healthy fats and move!  (as in exercise)
break five bad habits- limit screen time (only as much time watching tv or surfing the web as you spend excercising), no sugar (this means booze too friends), no snacks (unless it is fruits and veggies), moderate meat and low-fat dairy and no eating out.
and to add five "bonus" habits- keep a food log, keep an activity log, eat "real" food (not processed), move more and write down daily goals.

the screen time will be hard for me...we don't watch a lot of tv, but i do spend a lot of time on the computer. i will be keeping track of my diet and exercise online and also plan on blogging about my experience. i have decided that time spent blogging doesn't count as "screen time" because writing more is an ongoing goal for me.
it will also be a challange to plan my meals for the week to make sure that i am staying within the food pyramid that has been provided for me.
again. i think it is very reasonable, but will certainly be a  change for me.

as another attempt to keep myself accountable i am going to make the logs open to the public. you can check them out here .

i know that many others are setting out on the same quest as i am and i invite you to share your successes, setbacks, new recipies, questions, comments or general bitchiness with me here.
i will be right there with you.

last new years i asked the universe for higher lows and in turn i would take lower highs.
and i got what i wanted, well kinda.
i got something better... higher lows and higher highs as well.
i am not even sure where to start.
i rang in the new year last year as a total shit storm.
i am still embarrassed to this day.
i no longer drink like i used to.
i fucked up my foot.
bryce left for another long stint in flordia and i realized just how much i valued having him in my life.
and once he came home he had a hard time getting rid of me.
a very hard time.
someone once told me that i was wanting too much out of a relationship and that they didn't think any one person would ever make me completely happy.
i knew they were wrong when they said it.
bryce has now proved it.
i ate oysters for the first time and didn't throw up.
clementine found a happy and loving home with loren and jeffrey.
i had a lovely brooklyn vacation with my girl liz.
and went on the first of many (and hopefully many more) camping trips to jimmy's farm.
i went to bryce's hometown for the first time.
and had a wild night in pittsburg, ks and slept the stinkiest hotel room ever.
i got to know ryan and dionne.
and am very thankful to have both of them as my friends.
and to get to be a part of their boys' lives and watch them grow and change.
i went on my first long distance bike ride and loved it.
i felt the pain of the economic climate as i took a pay cut, but did enjoy the fridays off that i received in return.
i got to be present as kelly and sarah married amazing men.
and had a bitchin good time at both of their receptions.
i turned 27 and had a wonderful birthday in the park.
i got a new boss, someone who i can respect and learn a lot from.
and who also happens to be an amazing person.
great times at the lake, learning to wake surf and get up on the wake board.
i look forward to getting back down there as soon as it is warm enough.
i really reconnected with my high school friends and am so thankful to have them as an active part in my life.
i missed you girls more than i realized.
i met liz in iowa for an adventureland good time. i will take her any way i can get her.
reed turned one and bryce came to the fair with me.
both of which were very good news.
we went to seattle for an amazing vacation and i got to know bryce's family better.
orcas island...need i say more?
i hope to go back sometime...and also go to victoria.
the space needle and utilikilts and amazing food and mike and mere.
and luna.
sweet, funny, dopey little nuner.
well, not so little any more.
i found out about my thyroid issues.
thanksgiving without my memi.
and three extra christmases.
and bryce home with me for the holidays.
we wrapped this year up with a fancy pot luck dinner party at home.
with great food and great friends.
i woke up the next day tired.
but without a hangover, without regrets and with a total recollection of the night before.
 2009 was good to me.

i hope 2010 has similar things in store for all of us.

cheers friends!