spring preview

it is supposed to be damn near 60 today.
i only know this because EVERYONE has been talking about it.
i have also been interested because today is splutschnik day.
if you don't know, ask.
basically it is a pub crawl downtown that will require being exposed to the elements...or in the case of today, a ridiculously wonderful gift from mother nature.
it is 10:35. i woke up at 8:44 and finished watching the movie i fell asleep watching around 10:30 last night.
the virgin suicides.
love the book. love the movie.
then i got up to do my saturday morning dilly dallying in time to still go get some coffee, read a little and meet up with sarah for some thing she yelled into the phone while at a fairly loud bar last night. something about free facials and recycling. i am so in.
there is sun pouring into my bedroom and now slowly leaking across the dining room floor.
i let the cats out to get some fresh air.
i am going to go get some fresh air myself.

i hope you enjoy this day.

just a quickie.

what is the first artist on your ipod?
mine is a.c. newman.
i like him all right, but rarely ever chose to listen to him.
maybe it is because every time i accidentally hit artist one too many times he pops on.
it isn't his fault, but i think i am starting to hate him for it.
this just happened, that is why i mention it.
i just listened to the new bird and the bee album.
and while i was trying to go back for seconds i got a little trigger happy and on came my boy a.c..
he messed up my pallet.
but not for long. i am back in new music heaven.
i have been listening to tracks as they released them.
but there is nothing like an album. from start to finish.

thanks bradley for sending it my way.
i am a big dork for them.
the album is great. if you liked them before you will love them now.
if you all ready loved them then do it right...loud and with wine.

anyway...i didn't get on here to bitch. i just had a little down time and figured i would share some art shits with you. so i bitched. i will show you pictures and then who knows what wonders await you! i could be amazing or i could want to go to bed after the captions....
we shall see.

okay...so...
first things first. sometime before christmas (maybe the obama party?) i acquired a unfinished piece of a friends. it is an old window frame that has had several layers of indoor paint layered on it. it has always just kind of intimidated me and stayed tucked away. so sunday i got it out. and got at it.




this is what it looked like before i started. and that is bacon's tail












this is in the lower right corner.
acrylic and scratching the crap outta some paint


















these are all the paint chips from what i scraped hot glued together in the center













she is in the upper left corner.
all her "hair" was scraped off with a pairing knife and an exacto knife. it took a long time and i did not care to find a faster way to do it.










i am not done yet. it will still be a while.
i will show you the whole thing when i am done.

i was going to show you the crafts from christmas, but i am tired.
i will go for round three of the bird and the bee. headphones. electric blanket.
i can only think of one thing that would make it better...

good night.
i hope you are staying warm.
it's a bitch out there.

cliches and confessions of a crazy cat woman

i chose to listen to air, instead of the usual sigur ros that i would listen to while blogging, in an attempt to keep from hyper ventilating.
sometimes i cry when i blog.
most of the time it is after a touch too much wine, but not tonight.
tonight is just fucking hard.

often times the hardest decision to make is the best.

i am not at home. ever.
i used to be here to sleep at least.
but that still wasn't cutting it.
recently i have not been home at all.

the cats have taken over.
and they are not happy.

(i had to change the music back to sigur ros.
i need to just feel it and process it and let it all fall into place.)

i have never seen animals so starved for love as i have seen my cats.
especially clem.
she was always such a spoiled girl. always with someone around to love her.
bacon was spoiled as a kitten, but also spent time alone while liz was traveling.
clem was just spoiled.
when it came time for the two of them to share me it got hard. and since then it has gotten harder.

they are not happy and they show me.

if you love something let it go.

i have been thinking lately about what i am going to do.
i can't just stay away and ignore these sweet souls that i have signed on to care for.
i cannot keep them, although they are unhappy, simply because i love them.
that is not love.

this has been eating my soul.

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

this is the first time i have had to make a decision to give a pet away because someone else can offer it a better life than i can.
and i thought it hurt with boyfriends.
shit.

tonight i was sharing my feelings about my little underloved lovies with loren.
tonight she shared with me that she has been seriously thinking about getting one.

everything happens for a reason.

it falls into place too well. i know she would love her and take care of her and never neglect her or do her wrong.
i would still get to see her.

loren is going to think about it.

i got home tonight and held clem for fifteen minutes.
like she loves to be held.
like a little person.
like i used to hold her everyday.
and i pet her.
and she gave me kisses.
and i just fucking cried.

and i am just fucking crying now.



my mom put our last family dog to sleep on monday.
taxi.
we have always had a dog.
i have not cried about it yet.
well, until now.


and i think about these animals.
and i think about how much i love them.
and how important their happiness is to me.
and i wonder how parents do it.


goodnight friend.

thank god that one is over.

this year has been quite the year.
it was a rollercoaster ride, to say the least.
next year i am hoping for higher lows and in return i will take lower highs.
i started therapy in january of last year.
more for someone else than for myself.
i have ended the year being so thankful for taking this step.
am i crazy? of course i am.
is it a problem? only if i let it be.
i have my first appointment of the new year tomorrow.
i started this blog last year.
clemintine fell into my life and has been overly lovey and putting holes in everything since the first time i saw her.
allison's wedding.
gretchen and i moved into our apartment.
renee's wedding.
liz came home.
reed.
thank god liz came home.
bronson and i walked separate ways for the last time.
i faced lonely again.
i faced jealousy again.
i felt like i was starting new again.
i was no longer a part of a life the life i had lead for so long.
a life that was comfortable-not happy.
i turned to a new path to try and find a piece of the puzzle that i have been longing to get to work on.
devin. i still think about you often.
liz moved to brooklyn.
bacon has taken permanent residence with me, but will always be liz's cat.
obama won the election.
a moment in life i will never forget and can't imagine a better memory for it.
amanda's wedding.
the best hungover day on the couch ever.
my car constantly giving me shit.
and people constantly breaking in to take my shit.
and then buying a new car.

and then the holidays...
pumpkin carving and the four of us being single at once (but not for long).
a new person in my life.
another successful mem's thanksgiving.
a lovely itiscoldoutsidesogetyourassesinsideanddrink party.
new friends.
old friends.
going home for the longest that i have been at home since my parents moved.
seeing ALL of my family.
my grandma asking when i was going to bring home my boyfriend.
the feeling of asking that question to myself.
the looks on my families faces when they opened their hand made gifts.
the first time i held reed and he smiled at me.
the things that fall out of three year old's mouths.
being surrounded by so much love and still feeling like something is missing for me.
losing it on new years and realizing that i do not have a good grip on things.
being embarrassed by my actions.
being scared of the future.
making adult decisions and feeling the reactions to my actions with more strength than ever before.

2009 should be an interesting one.

happy new year friends.