aaaaaaand i cried.

first at work.
just a little, but enough to really make me worry about tomorrow.
wednesday one of my favorite people at work was leaving for vacation.
he and i worked together at penton every now and then and i always really enjoyed him.
he left penton for intouch while i was still in the waiting process.
when i started  his desk was right outside the conference room that i shared with two lovely ladies. (remember?)
there has never been a time that i have interacted with him that he didn't make me laugh.
i didn't get teary, but it was the first goodbye.
and i felt it.

today was my first day of "real work". a whole day full!
it felt great. it is all so bittersweet.

then  my friend joanna, who i heard about the company from, came by to tell me bye as she will not be in tomorrow.
i will see her again though before i go (right jo?!).
but i will miss being able to randomly pop in on her just to say hello.
at the end of the day our EVP came by my desk.
in preparation for my interview i read her whole blog 
my second interview was with her. .
it was so interesting to me.
the challenge that is marketing for pharma.
to be innovative in such a restricted and regulated industry.
her mock letter from pharmaceutical companies to their consumers is still one of the smartest things i have read in a while.
she is passionate. she is great at what she does.
she is a wonderful leader. and she is kind.
and she, along with my bosses and all my coworkers, have been so wonderful and kind about my leaving.
so when she came by to let me know she would be out tomorrow and to say goodbye it really got me.
i hate that i am a crier, but i don't know how to stop it.
i don't bawl, but the tears spill out.
such sincere words.
i warned my bosses that i would be a mess tomorrow and i tried to book it out.
in the car i just let it go.
and again now.
 i am just so overwhelmed with emotion.

when i was little i wanted to go to notre dame and be a lawyer.
when i graduated from high school i wanted to go to cosmetology school.
when i was in college i decided i was going to be a career woman.
and at 28 i have decided that i want to try something new.

tomorrow is the last day of a lot more than my job.

drunken clarity

last friday night we decided to use our groupon for a one night stay at hotel phillips.
it also happened that ku was playing that night, so we met friends at the p&l to watch the game then proceeded to the zoo bar to achieve a proper drunk and then back to the p&l to get a final shot of doucheyness.
at around 1:00am b and i walked back to the hotel.
he fell asleep (with the hiccups, which was pretty entertaining) and i was wide awake.
after a few more glasses of wine my mind began to wander.
so i picked up a pen and paper and let it all out.

here it is.
pardon the jumping around, the sloppy handwriting and the bad spelling.

thanks for being awesome.


"tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life"

winding roads.
screened in porch.
bike riding.
rock climbing.
wake boarding.
house guests.

on april 11 b, luna, wintson and i are moving to arkansas.


i'm late. i'm late!

(not pregnant.)
just late, for a very important date!
no time to say hello-goodby!
i'm late. i'm late. i'm late!

after hearing that in your head does anyone else hear "we are siamese if you please, we are siamese if you don't please"?
at some point in my childhood disney had to have had a commercial or movie preview that had a clip from alice in wonderland, followed with the clip from lady and the tramp.
and ever since then every time i say i'm late, i hear the white rabbits little ditty, immediately followed up with the cats.
this happens all the time to me. i am constantly playing word connections in my head.
even getting this far there were so many saying and lyrics.
lady and the tramp always cues up sinatra's lady is a tramp
and for some reason, when i hear the cats it is not the chariceter's voices i hear, but my mothers.
did this really happen?
white rabbit of course sets off jefferson airplane and then i think about krista.
do other people pay attention to their thought processes?

anyway, sorry i left you hanging on thursday.
it was st.patrick's day and all though i had no desire to take the day off to get drunk, i couldn't help but think about the many years that i did.
it also didn't help that it was 80 out.
i was like a 4 year old on a road trip at work.
couldn't sit still. went to the bathroom a million times.
consumed too much sugar.
i left around 4:30 and met shaun, dusty and some cider on the back porch.
we kicked on some oldies and jill and kelly joined us.
on her way down our street jill saw some guy passed out on the sidewalk with his head hanging over the curb.
she came to tell us she was going to walk down there and by the time we walked the less than half a block back, he was gone.
we assume he was scooped up the porch partiers a few houses down.
i think it is a good bet that he originated from that party.
we sat out back and enjoyed the weather.
made 3 boxes of mac'n'cheese with real butter and half and half with a splash of water.
it was good.
we played some cards.

i try and get these guys done on wednesday night.
but i got my hair done and then ran into gretch on the interwebs and we skyped it up.
we talked about many things, but the one i remember best is gretchen's disgust with the toilet situation in kuala lumpur. 
since it was nice out wednesday too, brad and kel came by for a beer.
then all the sudden it was 11...and i needed to get to bed reading.

for book club we chose sharp objects by gillian flynn.
i started reading it last week i think?
once i got about 17% in i didn't want to put it down.
(note:this is the first book i have read front to back on the kindle and my biggest complaint is knowing what page i am on...and that saying "read it front to back" just doesn't seem correct anymore)
so when i wasn't hanging out with friends, enjoying the weather i was reading.

now it is friday night.
after work today i went to maddy & me to get a baby gift.
then had dinner with brian.
and then came home and finished the book.
it was good. she has another one that i think i will have to read too.

so i have been cheating on complaining with books, friends and one of my favorite ladies, spring.
and i hope you have been too!


onion bunion

i have gross feet.
i think we kind of touched on this last week when talking about the vffs
my second and third toes on both feet are longer than my big toes.
some people say that you are supposed to be smarter if your second toe is longer than your first.
i am not sure what they say about you if your second and third are...
these are my alien toes.
my fourth toes are both crooked and fold into my third toes.
my pinkies are tiny, have creepy small nails and fit like a awkward puzzle piece into my fourth toes.
the contour of my foot is more or less a smooth line, sickly mirroring the shape of the toe bed in a high heel.
i have wide feet. with high arches.
there is a family history of bunions.
my feet certainly looks like canidates.

a few weeks ago i noticed that the stickyouty part on the outside of my left foot, near the base of my pinkie toe, was sticking out more than usual.
and it was sore.
great. bunions.

i am suddenly 80 years old.

i got a reference from a friend and called monday to make an appointmet.
they were able to get me in this week.
which is great.
i am a wuss and when something is wrong with me i like to get it all squared away as soon as possible.
b says i am a bit of  hypocondriact.
liz suggested i get an onion tattooed on my bunion.

this is amazing.
an onion bunion.
a bunion onion.
pure genius.
does this make anyone else laugh?
feet are not really attractive. especially not mine.
so the idea of drawing attention to something as gnarly as a bunion is awesome.

while i waited to be seen i played on my phone, but couldn't block out the informational dvd that was playing.
explaining the symptoms and possible treatments for all the major foot issues.
plantar fasciitis. ingrown toe nails. bunions. corns. callouses.
i was totally grossed out.

the nurse took me back to the examination room.
and asked all the new patient questions.
and then she told me that she was interested in seeing my foot from the description the receptionist had left in my file.
and then i remembered how i described it to the receptionist...
like a bone is sticking out of the side of my foot.
as i remembered what i said, she read it out loud and we both busted out laughing.
i mean, that is accurate, but sounded so extreme.
she said she has been waiting all day to see what was really going on with me.
the doctor was as easy to get along with as the nurse.
it was as pleasant as a trip to a podiatrist could be.

i am not getting an onion on my bunion.
but i did get a shot of cortizone in it.
turns out i only have a small tailor's bunion (aka bunionette).
they call it a tailor's bunion because they were thought to be caused by sitting cross legged.
i got to see x-rays of my foot.
turns out that i have a large metatarsal.
not your average, run of the mill, curved bone that is usually the cause of bunions.
my sexy bunionette is surrounded by some inflamed flesh.
probably from wearing high heels to work.
just sitting in high heels all day.
not dancing all night...
when i was in college i used to go dancing.
many times a week.
and if it was any night but sunday, i was dancing my ass off in at least three inch stilettos.
hours and hours of dancing that would leave me looking like i ran through a sprinkler.
clothes hanging off me, drenched with sweat.
those days are long over.

so i got a shot in my bunion...pretty exciting week.



i can't believe it is march.
i mean, i know february is a short month, but HOLY!
i was supposed to have reached my goal weight by the end of this month.
that did not happen.
i am still seeing progress, but i am not quite there yet.
i am not tracking well. i am not exercising enough.
i will get there...but that is two failed goals in two months!
serious dislike.
the future looks bright though. this week we were able to take the dogs on a nice long walk/run.
and b and i got spiffy new vibram fivefingers.
i got the bikila ls
mine are a little muddy now...
i had worn them around in the house and to work, but hadn't exercised in them yet.
i have read plenty on easing yourself into them and have no desire to be intensely sore.
after 45 min of walking/running my arches and toes were tired. but i felt good.
and i am a little sore, but good sore.
it was also winston's first walk with us.
he did okay, until the end when he keep leaping at cars.
thank god for his "mean" collar... or we might have one dead dog.
one thing to note is that since i started wearing these shoes i have noticed how uncomfortable my other shoes are.
this is a bit of am bummer as i am not ready to be full blown granola.

speaking of granola...
a few weeks ago i flipped open a prAna catalog and was met a version of this

i immediately took the staples out of the spine, taped the spread together, slapped it in a frame and gave it a home, so i could be reminded of it daily.
inspiration will find you in the funniest places.
the poem that the line comes from is equally as beautiful.
and with spring flirting with us, it all seems too right.

enjoy friends

The Summer Day 

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?