i hate running. probably because i am not good at it.

when i played soccer we used to have to run between 5 and 9 miles almost every practice....in the hot and in the cold and through all kinds of strains, sprains and high school hangovers...
and i hated it.
with all my being.
i played with a lot of girls who were runners. who loved running. and who still love running.
and were good at it.
i was bad at it.
so i hated it even more, naturally
(read: i have a hard time doing things that i don't know that i will be good at. it is an issue, but i am getting better)
and i decided to hate running forever.
but recently bryce and i were talking about running 5ks and i realized that i think it would be a cool accomplishment.
and i thought about couch-to-5k 
the idea really intrugies me.
and it is an accomplishable goal.

i think at some point i will do it.

with that being said...my knee is not cooperating.

it was hurting pretty bad for a while and then i stopped doing zumba about a month ago...and started doing pilates and yoga with training and body weights. 
then, when i started doing two hours at the gym, i started doing cardio again. 
and i was really enjoying it.
my knee hurt a little,.sometimes. but not like it was before.
saturday i did pilates at 9am. then lifted for about 25 minutes. and did 45 minutes of cardio.
sunday i didn't make it to the gym.
monday i went to a class that is an hour long, alternating 10 min or cardio with 10 minutes of "toning"...like hand weights and leg lifts. then did 45 min of the elliptical and then 15 minutes of stretching.
last night i did the elliptical for 40 minutes, walked for about 15
and then beans and i worked out with our trainer.
my knee was a little achy before. and after.
tonight i went and walked for about twenty minutes and then went to do
a weights class and had to leave.
i left twenty minutes into class and went and bought a knee brace (that i should have done a while ago) and then cried about it.
it is really frustrating. i feel that same shitty feeling i did when i hurt my foot last january.
i am going to wear the brace to work out  in. continue taking aleve as the doctor suggested and hope that it stops being sore. 
but i think that i am going to need to go back and probably get an mri to see what the problem is. 
i can feel and hear that something isn't right.
i am just not ready to be able to work out.if something is wrong. 
it is the way to make calories go away. if i am eating a little worse i can make up for it on the elliptical.
so maybe my knee shitting out on me will be a nice way to learn to get my diet reigned in.

stuck at 168. but still have lots of drive. 
the first weekend in march i am doing to go a two day cleanse and then back to the "lost ie" phase of the diet for two weeks. 
the beginning of april i go to nyc for liz's 30th. and i would like to be in the low 160s by then.

i hope things are good for you. 
one month until the spring equinox...
mmm. i can't wait!


mirror, mirror

i used to have a lot of pictures of myself. a lot of them i took myself.
days like today, slightly bright and completely cloudy used to be my favorite.
i haven't taken pictures in a lot time.
i finally want to again.


lifechange freeish

i just discovered that i have a have fallen in love with year long blogs.
i fell in love with the idea of 3191 a year of mornings after reading a recommendation in real simple.
i freaking love real simple.
it is about two friends, who are 3191 miles apart
one in portland, maine and one in portland, orgeon...
who each take a picutre every morning and post it to each other as a blog.
which then became a book.

i love this idea.
i couldn't help but think of liz and wish that we had something like it. 
(liz read: sorry i just ruined your christmas present. i will hand deliver it in april. promise)

i recently watched julie and julia  recently and really enjoyed it.
and really wished that i would have read the book first.
and the blog  too.

i have looked at weight-loss blogs that people post on daily.

i love when people do 365 days on flickr.

today gretch sent me a link to dust breeding.
this guy is making a thing everyday for 365 days (or more).
paintings and drawings and songs and videos and crafts.
thank you gretchy.
it is really great.

as soon as i read her description and saw his work i thought:

i want to do a 365.

but what a big undertaking!
you can't just say that you will do something for the next 365 days and then not follow through.
i haven't even gone 365 days straight with brushing my teeth in my life!
the only things that i can guarantee that i do daily are things i must do so i don't die.
you know...blinking, breathing.going to the ladies...all that jazz.

that is a lot of pressure.
i would hate to let you down.
what would i pick?
how insane will it make the b man?
this is something i am going to think about for a while.
maybe once i am looking for a new challenge i will look back to this
until then, any suggestions?

off to tally up the calories...