onion bunion

i have gross feet.
i think we kind of touched on this last week when talking about the vffs
my second and third toes on both feet are longer than my big toes.
some people say that you are supposed to be smarter if your second toe is longer than your first.
i am not sure what they say about you if your second and third are...
these are my alien toes.
my fourth toes are both crooked and fold into my third toes.
my pinkies are tiny, have creepy small nails and fit like a awkward puzzle piece into my fourth toes.
the contour of my foot is more or less a smooth line, sickly mirroring the shape of the toe bed in a high heel.
i have wide feet. with high arches.
there is a family history of bunions.
my feet certainly looks like canidates.

a few weeks ago i noticed that the stickyouty part on the outside of my left foot, near the base of my pinkie toe, was sticking out more than usual.
and it was sore.
great. bunions.

i am suddenly 80 years old.

i got a reference from a friend and called monday to make an appointmet.
they were able to get me in this week.
which is great.
i am a wuss and when something is wrong with me i like to get it all squared away as soon as possible.
b says i am a bit of  hypocondriact.
whatever.
liz suggested i get an onion tattooed on my bunion.

this is amazing.
an onion bunion.
a bunion onion.
pure genius.
does this make anyone else laugh?
feet are not really attractive. especially not mine.
so the idea of drawing attention to something as gnarly as a bunion is awesome.

while i waited to be seen i played on my phone, but couldn't block out the informational dvd that was playing.
explaining the symptoms and possible treatments for all the major foot issues.
plantar fasciitis. ingrown toe nails. bunions. corns. callouses.
i was totally grossed out.


the nurse took me back to the examination room.
and asked all the new patient questions.
and then she told me that she was interested in seeing my foot from the description the receptionist had left in my file.
and then i remembered how i described it to the receptionist...
like a bone is sticking out of the side of my foot.
as i remembered what i said, she read it out loud and we both busted out laughing.
i mean, that is accurate, but sounded so extreme.
she said she has been waiting all day to see what was really going on with me.
the doctor was as easy to get along with as the nurse.
it was as pleasant as a trip to a podiatrist could be.


i am not getting an onion on my bunion.
but i did get a shot of cortizone in it.
turns out i only have a small tailor's bunion (aka bunionette).
they call it a tailor's bunion because they were thought to be caused by sitting cross legged.
i got to see x-rays of my foot.
turns out that i have a large metatarsal.
not your average, run of the mill, curved bone that is usually the cause of bunions.
my sexy bunionette is surrounded by some inflamed flesh.
probably from wearing high heels to work.
just sitting in high heels all day.
not dancing all night...
when i was in college i used to go dancing.
many times a week.
and if it was any night but sunday, i was dancing my ass off in at least three inch stilettos.
hours and hours of dancing that would leave me looking like i ran through a sprinkler.
clothes hanging off me, drenched with sweat.
those days are long over.

so i got a shot in my bunion...pretty exciting week.