well, f*&#

cue it up...


so last night before arcade fire someone made the joke that we weren't really leaving, that it was all a conspiracy for us all to hang out more.
well... that wasn't the plan, but sometimes you don't get what you want.

we got the second appraisal back on the house today and it came back low again.
it would be stupid to buy a home that is worth less than what you are paying for it.
we offered the sellers the price that the house appraised for and they chose not to take it.
so...here we are.
we don't know what we are doing.
we are looking for other houses, we are looking at lots.
we are thinking of renting there or what we will do in the short (possibly medium) term here.
we have options. and they all will be considered...
once the shock wears off.

right liz? (i love you)

the last few weeks i have done so many "kansas city" things with so many of my favorite people.
i have been so greatful for the time and love that my friends have given me.
it has been go bittersweet wrapping my mind around leaving.
and now the game has changed again and i don't know quite where that leaves me...

a few days ago i was working in the basement listening to the radio and the new death cab song came on.
it spoke to me then, but perhaps even more so now.

"and if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born/then, it's time to go/and you find your destination with so many different places to call home"

what a strange place to be. i chose to leave somewhere i love. a life that i am happy with.
for the chance to be happier. to try something new.
to grow.
and when i finally get the balls to tell this city goodbye, it isn't the right time.

tomorrow:unpacking...at least the kitchen crap.

i guess she did say "wild and precious life"