i just realized that i haven't complained in a while...i mean-that is the whole idea behind this blog right?
i mean...things have been sucking at a pretty consistent level for a few months now and i have not taken the opportunity to let you all know just what is pissing me off now.
i think it is because life is shitty for everyone right now, so why does my shit matter. and then i remember you read this to hear me be pissed so here is what my effin issues are...feel free to add on any i forgot ;)
where to start....money. i fucking hate it. i still can't hold onto it, but it is worse now. even staying home has become expensive. i need some of that green stuff because my car is doing everything it can to die. the thought of a car payment at this point in my life makes me ill. i know plenty of you do it, but i don't. and i don't want to. and i don't care how irresponsible it makes me sound.
the anti-christ aka sarah palin. i can't even go into it. she makes me violent. i want to own a gun so i can shoot her in the fucking face and shut her up. this election could lead to mass suicide.
i wish i was kidding.
how does this make you feel... seven hundred billion dollars. and just to hit it home-a billion seconds ago it was 1959. 19-fucking-59.
my sister had my nephew a little over a month ago and he recently came home from the hospital after a long hard battle in the NICU.
clemintine has decided my bed is her favorite place to piss.
and some stupid woman sitting some where near my cube just either sprayed perfume or used the worlds most potent smelling lotion. as a general rule i hate perfume and smelly shit. it makes me cough. and in a cube sea? jesus. it could only be better if they were eating a can of tuna while they spritzed.
it has recently hit me that if i stay at this company the soonest i will get a raise is next october. yes. a year from now. that blows.
the violence in the city is scaring the crap out of me.
i think that is all i have for right now.
the good news is...liz has been home for two months, baby reed is home safe and sound, i now remember what it is like to go on a date and i get to see stars tonight.
hope you are well.
i am thinking about you.
9.26.2008
shameless love
you guys...
i am in love with beyonce.
i listen to the album multiple times a day.
i can't help it.
i will shout it from the rooftops.
I LOVE BEYONCE.
i am in love with beyonce.
i listen to the album multiple times a day.
i can't help it.
i will shout it from the rooftops.
I LOVE BEYONCE.
9.23.2008
a plea to you.
open your eyes and allow yourself to be aware of what is occuring.
things are not safe in kansas city.
there has always been crime.
but it is hitting too close to home.
places that i have never thought twice about navigating alone have become crime scenes involving two young women not so different from myself...one who has been in the hospital surviving a gun shot and one who was not so lucky. both attempted robberies.
devin. i cannot believe you are gone. even as i write this part of me just can't wrap my head around it. i just don't want to believe it. i had not run into you in a while but it was always such a pleasure when i did. i will always cherish the laughs. i will always remember that laugh and your smile and your socks. my heart goes out to your family...both your blood family and your friends. this could have been any of us and why it had to be you we will never know.
my promise to you is this- i promise to be safe. i promise to think twice about my surrounding and my actions. i promise to look out for my friends. i promise to not let this harden me, but make me more aware.
this city just isn't the same knowing i won't run into you.
and for the rest of us...
our friends and our instincts are all we can rely on at this point. we have both found ourselves in a group of people that think they own this city and the city is showing us otherwise. it will take us networking and making concessions and compromising in order to keep ourselves and those that we love safe. it will take my group of strong independent women taking a step back and realizing that all though we are strong and we are independent and we are self sufficient that we are still the target for this horrible crimes, simply because we are women. we need to run in packs, we need guys to walk us to our cars and as ridiculous as it sounds, we need to walk around holding mace out so that people know we are aware of what they want to do to us. we need to swallow our pride and ask that security guard or bouncer to walk us to our cars and if these are things we are not willing to make a part of the routine then we do not need to be going out.
there is no need to have another amazing woman injured or killed before we open our eyes to the reality of this world. we are blessed with so many things, but we are fools to think that no one wants to take that away from us.
please be safe. and don't forget to tell people you love them. you just never know...
things are not safe in kansas city.
there has always been crime.
but it is hitting too close to home.
places that i have never thought twice about navigating alone have become crime scenes involving two young women not so different from myself...one who has been in the hospital surviving a gun shot and one who was not so lucky. both attempted robberies.
devin. i cannot believe you are gone. even as i write this part of me just can't wrap my head around it. i just don't want to believe it. i had not run into you in a while but it was always such a pleasure when i did. i will always cherish the laughs. i will always remember that laugh and your smile and your socks. my heart goes out to your family...both your blood family and your friends. this could have been any of us and why it had to be you we will never know.
my promise to you is this- i promise to be safe. i promise to think twice about my surrounding and my actions. i promise to look out for my friends. i promise to not let this harden me, but make me more aware.
this city just isn't the same knowing i won't run into you.
and for the rest of us...
our friends and our instincts are all we can rely on at this point. we have both found ourselves in a group of people that think they own this city and the city is showing us otherwise. it will take us networking and making concessions and compromising in order to keep ourselves and those that we love safe. it will take my group of strong independent women taking a step back and realizing that all though we are strong and we are independent and we are self sufficient that we are still the target for this horrible crimes, simply because we are women. we need to run in packs, we need guys to walk us to our cars and as ridiculous as it sounds, we need to walk around holding mace out so that people know we are aware of what they want to do to us. we need to swallow our pride and ask that security guard or bouncer to walk us to our cars and if these are things we are not willing to make a part of the routine then we do not need to be going out.
there is no need to have another amazing woman injured or killed before we open our eyes to the reality of this world. we are blessed with so many things, but we are fools to think that no one wants to take that away from us.
please be safe. and don't forget to tell people you love them. you just never know...
8.28.2008
three beer babble
this is the thing about relationships...or one of the things...at least the thing i have recently noticed...
just because you love someone does not automatically make them just like you. what you may need more of the other person may not. and what may not be important to you could be very important to the person you love. and you must realize this and be able to embrace it without compromising yourself.
otherwise it just doesn't work. no matter how much love there is.
you cannot lose yourself in love or you sacrifice your own happiness.
just because you love someone does not automatically make them just like you. what you may need more of the other person may not. and what may not be important to you could be very important to the person you love. and you must realize this and be able to embrace it without compromising yourself.
otherwise it just doesn't work. no matter how much love there is.
you cannot lose yourself in love or you sacrifice your own happiness.
7.17.2008
a random musical fyi
concerts of interest coming up….
my morning jacket @ the uptown 8/18
okkervil river @ the bottleneck 9/12
cut copy @ recordbar 9/15
beck and MGMT @ the uptown 9/29
stars @ the granada 9/26
girl talk @ the granada 11/1
of montreal @ liberty hall 11/15
i currently have tickets to beck and girl talk…the rest are pending budget modifications. i will do my damndest to make it to stars and okkervil river
i spent my morning yesterday checking out music i had not listened to before.
the play list included the following:
daedelus
born ruffians
fleet foxes
the brian Jonestown massacre
cut copy
she and him
...then i listened to the new sigur ros over and over again. i adore it. the first song feels like summer and road trips and running through fields with friends. and how can you not love a song called gobbledigook? come on!
there are also new albums out from the faint, the walkmen, girl talk, ladytron and I am sure plenty others that I am missing..
Don’t forget to check out the new radiohead video for house of cards.
…the boys are doing everything their own way. o love it.
what’s new in your music life?
my morning jacket @ the uptown 8/18
okkervil river @ the bottleneck 9/12
cut copy @ recordbar 9/15
beck and MGMT @ the uptown 9/29
stars @ the granada 9/26
girl talk @ the granada 11/1
of montreal @ liberty hall 11/15
i currently have tickets to beck and girl talk…the rest are pending budget modifications. i will do my damndest to make it to stars and okkervil river
i spent my morning yesterday checking out music i had not listened to before.
the play list included the following:
daedelus
born ruffians
fleet foxes
the brian Jonestown massacre
cut copy
she and him
...then i listened to the new sigur ros over and over again. i adore it. the first song feels like summer and road trips and running through fields with friends. and how can you not love a song called gobbledigook? come on!
there are also new albums out from the faint, the walkmen, girl talk, ladytron and I am sure plenty others that I am missing..
Don’t forget to check out the new radiohead video for house of cards.
…the boys are doing everything their own way. o love it.
what’s new in your music life?
7.14.2008
bad blogger! bad!
i am a bad blogger.
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
but what can i say? it's summer. i have been busy...and i am totally off my usual routine.
i am writing to you from the dining room/library/craft room/office of my new apartment.
if you have ever been to my old apartment then you can understand how spacious this place has to be to have that much shit in one room. gretchen, myself and the ladies (that is right....four fluffy furry feline friends) moved to hyde park at the beginning of june. gretch all ready lived over here...and although i do miss w.39th... i love it here too. our place feels like home. it is warm and inviting and full of art and books and sunlight. plus it has two balconies, central air, a full size fridge, hardwoods, a mantel, a dishwasher and a fucking garbage disposal.amazing. i am a hard one to please.
oh. and nonsmoking. that is right. it is hard to write and not smoke. it is making it hard for me to concentrate.
so i smoked...outside and remembered all the shit i should be doing.
so off i go. laundry. cleaning. unload dishwasher.
liz comes home from dubai tomorrow. it feels so great to know that she will again be on the same mass of land as me. i wonder what it is like to come home to all of this.
all right.
oh. before i go i would just like to say that if anyone is reading this that knew jana mackey that my deepest condolences go out to you.i had met her once. but that was enough to know that what everyone says about her is true. it is a great loss to her family, friends and the community. in the wake of her loss we should all take a moment and think about something you can do to make this world a better place. that could mean cleaner, greener, safer, more understanding, more loving-compassionate-open, fed, watered or kept clean.
there is something we can can do.
after months of waiting i received two profiles of girls that could be my little sister. i picked the one i thought i could do the most good for. for what i know of her (from a three page summary) she is a happy kid. she just happens to have a single mom that works in the evening. her mom is not much older than me. when the profile told me about the values of her family, her mother wrote that she wants to instill values of independence, right and wrong and letting her daughter know that she can do and become anything that she wants. this is something i can help with. this is something i understand. these are the values that were instilled in me. i think they are priceless. they are my foundation. and as i think about how much these values mean to me, and in the wake of losing a person like jana, i can't help but be a little disappointed in my lack of doing and becoming anything i want.
i hope to change that very soon.
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
but what can i say? it's summer. i have been busy...and i am totally off my usual routine.
i am writing to you from the dining room/library/craft room/office of my new apartment.
if you have ever been to my old apartment then you can understand how spacious this place has to be to have that much shit in one room. gretchen, myself and the ladies (that is right....four fluffy furry feline friends) moved to hyde park at the beginning of june. gretch all ready lived over here...and although i do miss w.39th... i love it here too. our place feels like home. it is warm and inviting and full of art and books and sunlight. plus it has two balconies, central air, a full size fridge, hardwoods, a mantel, a dishwasher and a fucking garbage disposal.amazing. i am a hard one to please.
oh. and nonsmoking. that is right. it is hard to write and not smoke. it is making it hard for me to concentrate.
so i smoked...outside and remembered all the shit i should be doing.
so off i go. laundry. cleaning. unload dishwasher.
liz comes home from dubai tomorrow. it feels so great to know that she will again be on the same mass of land as me. i wonder what it is like to come home to all of this.
all right.
oh. before i go i would just like to say that if anyone is reading this that knew jana mackey that my deepest condolences go out to you.i had met her once. but that was enough to know that what everyone says about her is true. it is a great loss to her family, friends and the community. in the wake of her loss we should all take a moment and think about something you can do to make this world a better place. that could mean cleaner, greener, safer, more understanding, more loving-compassionate-open, fed, watered or kept clean.
there is something we can can do.
after months of waiting i received two profiles of girls that could be my little sister. i picked the one i thought i could do the most good for. for what i know of her (from a three page summary) she is a happy kid. she just happens to have a single mom that works in the evening. her mom is not much older than me. when the profile told me about the values of her family, her mother wrote that she wants to instill values of independence, right and wrong and letting her daughter know that she can do and become anything that she wants. this is something i can help with. this is something i understand. these are the values that were instilled in me. i think they are priceless. they are my foundation. and as i think about how much these values mean to me, and in the wake of losing a person like jana, i can't help but be a little disappointed in my lack of doing and becoming anything i want.
i hope to change that very soon.
5.02.2008
o.p.p.p.
other people's pet's piss
so....i am sure most of you all ready know this, but while i was on vacation i ended up with my neighbor's cat in my apartment. even after i made it as clear as possible that i was going out of town, her cat still managed to do as he pleased...and she still managed to be a total moron.
when erin went over to feed clem and bacon she found romeo in my apartment and a pile of shit on a blanket on my futon. erin was baffled as to how romeo...the cat...got into my apartment, since the screen doors were shut. she (i love you erin) cleaned up the shit and removed the blanket and went down to return the cat and, of course, the neighbor was not home. she called me on vacation. i was shit faced on the beach. it was saturday and erin was working that night. so i call the neighbor and left her a message that i was away on vacation, as i told her, and that her cat ended up in my apartment, so if she wanted to get him before tomorrow night she would have to go to the bar, get my keys from erin, get her cat and take the keys back...which she did. when i came home on monday i went to julie's birthday party and then came home and went to bed. tuesday night gretchen and i signed our lease (oooh! i need to tell you about the new place) and then met jill at harry's to celebrate and soak in the nice weather. jill and i went back to my place for mac and cheese and i discovered a large pile of shit hiding in the blanket on my couch. now if you have a pet you know what your pets shit looks like. it is just part of the gig. i don't think it is possible for either of the ladies to deliver a BM of that size. i cleaned it up and put the blanket with the other soiled one and headed to my room to catch up on the office. after zumba on wednesday it was my turn to have the ladies over for dinner. they all sat in the dining room while i was cooking. after dinner we retired to the living room. for the first time since being home i was finally going to be able to relax in my living room...i sat on the futon with loren and immediately smelled it. we sat on the edge and tried to ignore it, but it stunk. when loren and amanda left i sat on the couch with jill....it stunk too. so as jill was leaving a febreezed the hell out of both of them and went to bed. when i got home from the gym last night i took the covers off. in the light i can see that what i thought was pee is spray. a cat is not able to cover the entire back AND seat of my couch with urine. male cat spray. great.
i can barely stand to be in that room at all.
landlord says it isn't his fault.
renters insurance doesn't cover damage by animals.
the neighbor is at work and will call me tonight.
my mom has suggested white wine vinnegar. just how i wanted to spend my friday....cleaning up someone else's animal's piss out of my furniture.
i am lucky clem and bacon haven't started peeing too.
i hope i can get the smell out.
i really just want it gone.
i can't wait to move.
update:
my neighbor is being really cool about the situation. this makes it all a lot less stressful.
my apartment now smells like vinegar...and i hope it works.
when erin went over to feed clem and bacon she found romeo in my apartment and a pile of shit on a blanket on my futon. erin was baffled as to how romeo...the cat...got into my apartment, since the screen doors were shut. she (i love you erin) cleaned up the shit and removed the blanket and went down to return the cat and, of course, the neighbor was not home. she called me on vacation. i was shit faced on the beach. it was saturday and erin was working that night. so i call the neighbor and left her a message that i was away on vacation, as i told her, and that her cat ended up in my apartment, so if she wanted to get him before tomorrow night she would have to go to the bar, get my keys from erin, get her cat and take the keys back...which she did. when i came home on monday i went to julie's birthday party and then came home and went to bed. tuesday night gretchen and i signed our lease (oooh! i need to tell you about the new place) and then met jill at harry's to celebrate and soak in the nice weather. jill and i went back to my place for mac and cheese and i discovered a large pile of shit hiding in the blanket on my couch. now if you have a pet you know what your pets shit looks like. it is just part of the gig. i don't think it is possible for either of the ladies to deliver a BM of that size. i cleaned it up and put the blanket with the other soiled one and headed to my room to catch up on the office. after zumba on wednesday it was my turn to have the ladies over for dinner. they all sat in the dining room while i was cooking. after dinner we retired to the living room. for the first time since being home i was finally going to be able to relax in my living room...i sat on the futon with loren and immediately smelled it. we sat on the edge and tried to ignore it, but it stunk. when loren and amanda left i sat on the couch with jill....it stunk too. so as jill was leaving a febreezed the hell out of both of them and went to bed. when i got home from the gym last night i took the covers off. in the light i can see that what i thought was pee is spray. a cat is not able to cover the entire back AND seat of my couch with urine. male cat spray. great.
i can barely stand to be in that room at all.
landlord says it isn't his fault.
renters insurance doesn't cover damage by animals.
the neighbor is at work and will call me tonight.
my mom has suggested white wine vinnegar. just how i wanted to spend my friday....cleaning up someone else's animal's piss out of my furniture.
i am lucky clem and bacon haven't started peeing too.
i hope i can get the smell out.
i really just want it gone.
i can't wait to move.
update:
my neighbor is being really cool about the situation. this makes it all a lot less stressful.
my apartment now smells like vinegar...and i hope it works.
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