can a bitch get some motivation?

what is going on with me!?
i still have the eye on the prize, but can't seem to get myself to play by the rules and make smart decisions.
i think i need to reread the diet book, pick up "in defense of food" and really get motivated again.
the eight inches of snow aren't helping.
i am doing pretty well on exercising. it is the making smart decisions part that i could get better at.
i got down to 166 and then the scale went back up to 170 and has stayed right around there for a week now.
i need to take my measurements. if i have shown some progress there then it will probably motivate me to want to continue to improve. but if i show no progress, what will that do to the motivation?
i am such a pussy.
after this message i am going to make some breakfast, sit down with some cookbooks and the mayo clinic journal and plan a week worth of meals. (except wednesday...that is opera night)
having a plan and sticking to it is a habit i need to form.
i also need to make it to the gym today to finish w1d3 of couchto5k.
i tired to be flexible in my gym schedule last week and it just didn't work out well. i still made it monday night for bodyweights and the first c25k. tuesday beans and i met in the morning and lifted and did some floor work.
wednesday we met in the morning with our trainer and then did c25k after work. then thursday i didn't get up before work and go to the gym, when i knew i wouldn't be working out Thursday night. friday i was going to meet jill in the mornin, but then decided i would go after work. and then i just never went.
i did go out to dinner and drank a lot of wine and a lot of gin and a lot of tequila. i haven't been drunk in a while and it was fun. we had a living room dance party and i tried to work my abs as much as possible.

i am not kidding.

side note...i don't recommend the farmhouse.

yesterday we got up, i ate biscuits and gravy. then slept for 3 hours. took a shower. went to a mary kay party (don't be jealous), drank beer and ate cheese fries and pizza watching KU choke. and then i did nothing all night.
see where things went wrong?
the only plants i ate yesterday were strawberries, grapes, tomatoes on cheese fries and canned mushrooms that i mostly picked off of my pizza.
and the only exercise i got was walking up 3 flights of stairs to get to momilla's.
*sigh* i am going to try and take measurements today.

sincerely,
snowinginspring, kck

i hate running. probably because i am not good at it.

when i played soccer we used to have to run between 5 and 9 miles almost every practice....in the hot and in the cold and through all kinds of strains, sprains and high school hangovers...

and i hated it.
with all my being.

i played with a lot of girls who were runners. who loved running. and who still love running.

and were good at it.

i was bad at it.

so i hated it even more, naturally

(read: i have a hard time doing things that i don't know that i will be good at. it is an issue, but i am getting better)

and i decided to hate running forever.

but recently bryce and i were talking about running 5ks and i realized that i think it would be a cool accomplishment.

and i thought about couch-to-5k 

the idea really intrugies me.

and it is an accomplishable goal.

i think at some point i will do it.

with that being said...my knee is not cooperating.

it was hurting pretty bad for a while and then i stopped doing zumba about a month ago...and started doing pilates and yoga with training and body weights. 

then, when i started doing two hours at the gym, i started doing cardio again. 

and i was really enjoying it.
my knee hurt a little,.sometimes. but not like it was before.
saturday i did pilates at 9am. then lifted for about 25 minutes. and did 45 minutes of cardio.
sunday i didn't make it to the gym.
monday i went to a class that is an hour long, alternating 10 min or cardio with 10 minutes of "toning"...like hand weights and leg lifts. then did 45 min of the elliptical and then 15 minutes of stretching.
last night i did the elliptical for 40 minutes, walked for about 15
and then beans and i worked out with our trainer.
my knee was a little achy before. and after.
tonight i went and walked for about twenty minutes and then went to do
a weights class and had to leave.
i left twenty minutes into class and went and bought a knee brace (that i should have done a while ago) and then cried about it.
it is really frustrating. i feel that same shitty feeling i did when i hurt my foot last january.

i am going to wear the brace to work out  in. continue taking aleve as the doctor suggested and hope that it stops being sore. 

but i think that i am going to need to go back and probably get an mri to see what the problem is. 

i can feel and hear that something isn't right.
i am just not ready to be able to work out.if something is wrong. 

it is the way to make calories go away. if i am eating a little worse i can make up for it on the elliptical.
so maybe my knee shitting out on me will be a nice way to learn to get my diet reigned in.

blah.

stuck at 168. but still have lots of drive. 

the first weekend in march i am doing to go a two day cleanse and then back to the "lost ie" phase of the diet for two weeks. 

the beginning of april i go to nyc for liz's 30th. and i would like to be in the low 160s by then.

i hope things are good for you. 

one month until the spring equinox...

mmm. i can't wait!

mirror, mirror

i used to have a lot of pictures of myself. a lot of them i took myself.
days like today, slightly bright and completely cloudy used to be my favorite.
i haven't taken pictures in a lot time.
i finally want to again.

lifechange freeish

i just discovered that i have a have fallen in love with year long blogs.
i fell in love with the idea of 3191 a year of mornings after reading a recommendation in real simple.
i freaking love real simple.
it is about two friends, who are 3191 miles apart
one in portland, maine and one in portland, orgeon...
who each take a picutre every morning and post it to each other as a blog.
which then became a book.

i love this idea.

i couldn't help but think of liz and wish that we had something like it. 

(liz read: sorry i just ruined your christmas present. i will hand deliver it in april. promise)

i recently watched julie and julia  recently and really enjoyed it.
and really wished that i would have read the book first.
and the blog  too.

i have looked at weight-loss blogs that people post on daily.

i love when people do 365 days on flickr.

today gretch sent me a link to dust breeding.
this guy is making a thing everyday for 365 days (or more).
paintings and drawings and songs and videos and crafts.
thank you gretchy.
it is really great.

as soon as i read her description and saw his work i thought:

i want to do a 365.

but what a big undertaking!
you can't just say that you will do something for the next 365 days and then not follow through.
i haven't even gone 365 days straight with brushing my teeth in my life!
the only things that i can guarantee that i do daily are things i must do so i don't die.
you know...blinking, breathing.going to the ladies...all that jazz.

that is a lot of pressure.
i would hate to let you down.
what would i pick?
how insane will it make the b man?
this is something i am going to think about for a while.
maybe once i am looking for a new challenge i will look back to this
until then, any suggestions?

off to tally up the calories...

get ur eagle on.

i am starting to get my confidence back.
i met up with gretch on friday after work.
she had a shit day.
we went to happy hour. i drank three tequila/soda/lime-s. and ate half of a philly (no side).
we extended happy hour to another bar for some other type of tequila drink. got in an argument with a guy who hosts parties to promote a med spa in joco (think: forty two, flamboyant and pumped full of botox...did i mention drunk and obnixious?)
we were having too much fun.
gretch even told jokes!
i decided this kind of night it worthy of a hangover and we agreed to make this a late night situation
around 10 we went to gusto.
had a gin and tonic while we listened to some smooooooth old 45s and then decided to go upstairs and check out the dj.
gretch got me some lovely stawberry, booze, cilantro combination.
and then we started dancing.
this was around 10:45. 
at 2:00 in the morning i walked off the dance floor, drenched in sweat, with my feet killing me.

that was one of the best workouts i have had in a long time.
and my feet are still sore, my abs hurt, my legs ache, and my shoulders feel thoroughly worked.
it was a 3 hour, full body workout.
i look forward to doing in all over again, minus the hangover.

i hadn't had that kind of fun in a long time.
i hadn't felt good enough about myself to get out there and dance for a while.
i hadn't really wanted to go out a lot, because i wasn't happy with the way i looked.
i don't like the way my clothes have been fitting.
i hate trying on everything in my closet and picking the one that touches me the least. i am not ashamed of myself, i just know that i am not at my best.
but that have the ability to change that.
yesterday i put on some jeans that i got for christmas.
when my mom gave them to me they did not fit.
i could button them, but they weren't comfortable.
and gave me a pretty rockin muffin top.
yesterday i put them on.
they fit!
it is those "fuck yes" moments that i try to turn to when faced with making the healthy choice.
it doesn't always work, but most of the time it does the job.
this week was a god week for me.
monday jill and i did pilates...bryce and i can't remember what we ate on monday ( i have been really bad about keeping logs), but it was vegetables of some sort.
tuesday i walked before we did training and then holly came over after. we ate spianch, tomato, mozz and olive oil on flat out bread.
wednesday night i just came home from work and gretch came over and we had the quiona stuffed bell peppers.
super good vegan dish.
thursday morning jill and i worked out early.
i fell out of the morning workouts in the late fall and so it was nice to be reminded of how much i liked it.even if i could just get up early to start my day stress free.
i took my waist measurement that morning and i am down a little over and inch.
this feels great! i am also finally out of the 170s.
that night the the point  reopened!
they did a wonderful job with the remodel and it was great to see so many old friends.
friday i did yoga at work at lunch.
and the dance party that night.
saturday i was a little hungover, but still got up early for a tour of the roasterie  and brunch with some lovely ladies.
we went to chez elle in the westide.
i had had a gruyere, mushroom and spinach crepe with a fruit smoothie (just frozen fruit and apple juice) .
last night we hung out with kel and tommy at larry and renee's.
i watched my first ku game of the season and throughly enjoyed it.
dinner was tasty AND healthy and i had three glasses of wine.
we got home a little after midnight.
got up this morning at a decent hour and without hangover.
i ate all right.
i got some new workout clothes (marshalls. so cheap)
and the highlight of my day- jill and i went to an hour and a half yoga class and then to see lovely bones.
then the store, dinner and this here blog.

i really enjoyed the yoga. a lot. there is another yoga class with the same instructor on wednesdays.
i hope to attend. and hope bryce will come with.
this week will be the second week of pilates. i am looking forward to it.

oh, and we are officially able to eat out
i didn't make it all month, but it was only a few times-so i am not upset about it.
the new goal is to only eat out once a week. so if one of us burns it on a lunch, we aren't able to go out to dinner together.
i will be interested to see how this pans out :) i think it will make going out seem like more of a special occasion. and not a regular option for food. so it won't get in the way of my health goals or the money saving.


i has almost been one month since i started this diet.
day 1 was january 4.
this thursday will be a month.
sounds like a good time for a recap...
until then-i hope you are well.

before i drink my wine..

time for more diet lifechange talk. sorry, but this is a pretty big part of my life right now.
most of my writing has been saved for dionne, meredith and i's emails.
i can't tell you how great that little support team of mine is.
i also have been happy to hear people reach out on the google group.

tonight, i am free, so i figured i would check in.

things are going pretty well. i am out of the first two weeks and onto the long term life change part.
the first two weeks were kinda moody for me. the timing may not have been my best, but i figure that like most big changes, there is never a perfect time.
overall i did okay.
i really got to confront my emotional eating (hellllllllo jose peppers once a week. nothin a little chez can't fix...right?).
i did not get to check all of the boxes on my check sheets every day and that was frustrating at times, but also important for me not just to be completing the goals so i could say i did. i needed to do them because they are important habits to make or break and by honestly taking them to heart and applying them to my daily life i will reap the benifits in my health and my hips.
now i do not have to follow the rules as strictly and i must find where these habits fit into my life, from here forward.
i am not supposed to count calories anymore. instead i am to eat from the mayo clinic food pyramid.
i am to eat at least 4 servings of vegetables a day,
i am to eat at least 3 servings of fruit a day.
i am allowed 4 servings of grain. 3 servings of protein/dairy. 3 servings of fat (healthy is preferred). and 75 calories of sweets
they suggest that you plan each meal out to make sure you get it all in.
i kinda think about it. then figure out after lunch what i have left and try to make dinner accordingly. this is fairly easy during the week....when i am not on that work, gym, home, sleep, repeat scheudle
things are not as easy.
it is like i have to have rules or don't make the best decisions...like i woke up at 10:30 today...made breakfast sammies and oranges and some green machine. went out for coffee (non fat latte for me) with a friend and had some fruit around 2.had a bag of carrots on the way to run errands. then ate a slice of combo (all though it was pretty veg tastic...but totally white crust) pizza around 4 and now i am not really hungry. so lets see...
i am allowed 4 servings of grains- i have had all 4
i am allowed 3 servings of protein/dairy- i have had 5
i am allowed 3 servings of fat- i have had 2
i am to have at least 3 servings of fruit- i have had 4
i am to have at least 4 servings of veggies- i have had 2

but i am only really looking at it because i am breaking it down for you guys. i am pretty sure that without realizing what my day looked like i was going to eat some cheese and crackers (pushing me over on grains and WAYYY over on protein and dairy). so now, if i want to try and end this day on a good note i should just snack on some fruits and veggies and call it a night.

according to mayo i should just be using the pyramid to make sure i am getting the right foods. they say that you shouldn't have to count calories if you are using the pyramid. i do.
i was keeping them by hand, but now have been using dailyplate.com to track. it is much easier too. i want to still make sure that i am creating some kind of weight loss deficit on most days. it also lets me know if i should reaaaaallllly be having a glass of wine.
sometimes i listen.
tonight, i won't...but i will chug a V8 first.

just a quickie

real quick, before i get back to work...
this is a bit harder than i thought it would be.
i now see that i won't have time to be in front of my computer at home because my life will now evolve around food prep.
i didn't think about this before, not sure why.
today has two fails all ready, there was sugar in my yogurt and i didn't eat "real food" for lunch, i had premade soup.
things are looking all right on the calorie front.
the book suggested 1200 calories, but that will not fly for me. i think 1400 sounds about right and i am on track to be right about there.
tonight i will be doing 30 min of walking and an hour long boot camp class.


back to work!