get ur eagle on.

i am starting to get my confidence back.
i met up with gretch on friday after work.
she had a shit day.
we went to happy hour. i drank three tequila/soda/lime-s. and ate half of a philly (no side).
we extended happy hour to another bar for some other type of tequila drink. got in an argument with a guy who hosts parties to promote a med spa in joco (think: forty two, flamboyant and pumped full of botox...did i mention drunk and obnixious?)
we were having too much fun.
gretch even told jokes!
i decided this kind of night it worthy of a hangover and we agreed to make this a late night situation
around 10 we went to gusto.
had a gin and tonic while we listened to some smooooooth old 45s and then decided to go upstairs and check out the dj.
gretch got me some lovely stawberry, booze, cilantro combination.
and then we started dancing.
this was around 10:45. 
at 2:00 in the morning i walked off the dance floor, drenched in sweat, with my feet killing me.

that was one of the best workouts i have had in a long time.
and my feet are still sore, my abs hurt, my legs ache, and my shoulders feel thoroughly worked.
it was a 3 hour, full body workout.
i look forward to doing in all over again, minus the hangover.

i hadn't had that kind of fun in a long time.
i hadn't felt good enough about myself to get out there and dance for a while.
i hadn't really wanted to go out a lot, because i wasn't happy with the way i looked.
i don't like the way my clothes have been fitting.
i hate trying on everything in my closet and picking the one that touches me the least. i am not ashamed of myself, i just know that i am not at my best.
but that have the ability to change that.
yesterday i put on some jeans that i got for christmas.
when my mom gave them to me they did not fit.
i could button them, but they weren't comfortable.
and gave me a pretty rockin muffin top.
yesterday i put them on.
they fit!
it is those "fuck yes" moments that i try to turn to when faced with making the healthy choice.
it doesn't always work, but most of the time it does the job.
this week was a god week for me.
monday jill and i did pilates...bryce and i can't remember what we ate on monday ( i have been really bad about keeping logs), but it was vegetables of some sort.
tuesday i walked before we did training and then holly came over after. we ate spianch, tomato, mozz and olive oil on flat out bread.
wednesday night i just came home from work and gretch came over and we had the quiona stuffed bell peppers.
super good vegan dish.
thursday morning jill and i worked out early.
i fell out of the morning workouts in the late fall and so it was nice to be reminded of how much i liked it.even if i could just get up early to start my day stress free.
i took my waist measurement that morning and i am down a little over and inch.
this feels great! i am also finally out of the 170s.
that night the the point  reopened!
they did a wonderful job with the remodel and it was great to see so many old friends.
friday i did yoga at work at lunch.
and the dance party that night.
saturday i was a little hungover, but still got up early for a tour of the roasterie  and brunch with some lovely ladies.
we went to chez elle in the westide.
i had had a gruyere, mushroom and spinach crepe with a fruit smoothie (just frozen fruit and apple juice) .
last night we hung out with kel and tommy at larry and renee's.
i watched my first ku game of the season and throughly enjoyed it.
dinner was tasty AND healthy and i had three glasses of wine.
we got home a little after midnight.
got up this morning at a decent hour and without hangover.
i ate all right.
i got some new workout clothes (marshalls. so cheap)
and the highlight of my day- jill and i went to an hour and a half yoga class and then to see lovely bones.
then the store, dinner and this here blog.

i really enjoyed the yoga. a lot. there is another yoga class with the same instructor on wednesdays.
i hope to attend. and hope bryce will come with.
this week will be the second week of pilates. i am looking forward to it.

oh, and we are officially able to eat out
i didn't make it all month, but it was only a few times-so i am not upset about it.
the new goal is to only eat out once a week. so if one of us burns it on a lunch, we aren't able to go out to dinner together.
i will be interested to see how this pans out :) i think it will make going out seem like more of a special occasion. and not a regular option for food. so it won't get in the way of my health goals or the money saving.


i has almost been one month since i started this diet.
day 1 was january 4.
this thursday will be a month.
sounds like a good time for a recap...
until then-i hope you are well.

before i drink my wine..

time for more diet lifechange talk. sorry, but this is a pretty big part of my life right now.
most of my writing has been saved for dionne, meredith and i's emails.
i can't tell you how great that little support team of mine is.
i also have been happy to hear people reach out on the google group.

tonight, i am free, so i figured i would check in.

things are going pretty well. i am out of the first two weeks and onto the long term life change part.
the first two weeks were kinda moody for me. the timing may not have been my best, but i figure that like most big changes, there is never a perfect time.
overall i did okay.
i really got to confront my emotional eating (hellllllllo jose peppers once a week. nothin a little chez can't fix...right?).
i did not get to check all of the boxes on my check sheets every day and that was frustrating at times, but also important for me not just to be completing the goals so i could say i did. i needed to do them because they are important habits to make or break and by honestly taking them to heart and applying them to my daily life i will reap the benifits in my health and my hips.
now i do not have to follow the rules as strictly and i must find where these habits fit into my life, from here forward.
i am not supposed to count calories anymore. instead i am to eat from the mayo clinic food pyramid.
i am to eat at least 4 servings of vegetables a day,
i am to eat at least 3 servings of fruit a day.
i am allowed 4 servings of grain. 3 servings of protein/dairy. 3 servings of fat (healthy is preferred). and 75 calories of sweets
they suggest that you plan each meal out to make sure you get it all in.
i kinda think about it. then figure out after lunch what i have left and try to make dinner accordingly. this is fairly easy during the week....when i am not on that work, gym, home, sleep, repeat scheudle
things are not as easy.
it is like i have to have rules or don't make the best decisions...like i woke up at 10:30 today...made breakfast sammies and oranges and some green machine. went out for coffee (non fat latte for me) with a friend and had some fruit around 2.had a bag of carrots on the way to run errands. then ate a slice of combo (all though it was pretty veg tastic...but totally white crust) pizza around 4 and now i am not really hungry. so lets see...
i am allowed 4 servings of grains- i have had all 4
i am allowed 3 servings of protein/dairy- i have had 5
i am allowed 3 servings of fat- i have had 2
i am to have at least 3 servings of fruit- i have had 4
i am to have at least 4 servings of veggies- i have had 2

but i am only really looking at it because i am breaking it down for you guys. i am pretty sure that without realizing what my day looked like i was going to eat some cheese and crackers (pushing me over on grains and WAYYY over on protein and dairy). so now, if i want to try and end this day on a good note i should just snack on some fruits and veggies and call it a night.

according to mayo i should just be using the pyramid to make sure i am getting the right foods. they say that you shouldn't have to count calories if you are using the pyramid. i do.
i was keeping them by hand, but now have been using dailyplate.com to track. it is much easier too. i want to still make sure that i am creating some kind of weight loss deficit on most days. it also lets me know if i should reaaaaallllly be having a glass of wine.
sometimes i listen.
tonight, i won't...but i will chug a V8 first.

just a quickie

real quick, before i get back to work...
this is a bit harder than i thought it would be.
i now see that i won't have time to be in front of my computer at home because my life will now evolve around food prep.
i didn't think about this before, not sure why.
today has two fails all ready, there was sugar in my yogurt and i didn't eat "real food" for lunch, i had premade soup.
things are looking all right on the calorie front.
the book suggested 1200 calories, but that will not fly for me. i think 1400 sounds about right and i am on track to be right about there.
tonight i will be doing 30 min of walking and an hour long boot camp class.


back to work!

all right. here we go...

tomorrow begins (what feels like) the first day of a new me.
i feel like i am on the cusp of something major that i have wanted for a long time...
to be a healthy person.
bryce and i agreed to not eat out for the month of january, but i felt like i needed something else.
my cousin started the south beach diet and she looks and feels wonderful.
but i knew that wasn't  the right fit for me.
i also tossed around the ideas of eating gluten free.
but again, didn't feel like the right fit.
while visiting brcye's brother and his family in arkansas, di (his sister-in-law) and i had a chance to talk about our plans for the new year.
she and i used to walk together when they lived in kc and we always chat about diet and exercise, among many other things, when we get to hang out.
we talked about how it would be nice to be able to have an open dialog with someone- to share successes and setback and frustrations and milestones with.
i initiated our first email yesterday.
since then i have also talked to bryce's sister, mere, and she is in too.
i think this little support system, along with jill's enthusiasm for the gym, will be a welcome addition to this new lifestyle.
we are a bit spread out....arkansas, kansas city and seattle....but i think this can also work to our advantage.
we all have our own reasons for wanting to get in shape.
we all have our own goals.
we all have our own obsticals.
and we all are trying different diets.
weight watchers.
the dr.oz diet.
and mine, the mayo clinic diet.
realsimple (my bible) suggested this diet to me (in a mass email).
so i thought i would check it out.
i looked into it online and it is, in fact, from the actual mayo clinic.
and it is also, in fact, very reasonable.
i went out yesterday in the bitter cold and picked it up. there is also a journal, that i passed on, and their cookbook, which i plan to get.
the first part of the diet last for two weeks, the "lose it" phase.
this phase is set to jump start your weight loss and healthy living.
it is set up to add five good habits- eat breakfast, eat fruits and veggies, eat whole grains, eat healthy fats and move!  (as in exercise)
break five bad habits- limit screen time (only as much time watching tv or surfing the web as you spend excercising), no sugar (this means booze too friends), no snacks (unless it is fruits and veggies), moderate meat and low-fat dairy and no eating out.
and to add five "bonus" habits- keep a food log, keep an activity log, eat "real" food (not processed), move more and write down daily goals.

the screen time will be hard for me...we don't watch a lot of tv, but i do spend a lot of time on the computer. i will be keeping track of my diet and exercise online and also plan on blogging about my experience. i have decided that time spent blogging doesn't count as "screen time" because writing more is an ongoing goal for me.
it will also be a challange to plan my meals for the week to make sure that i am staying within the food pyramid that has been provided for me.
again. i think it is very reasonable, but will certainly be a  change for me.

as another attempt to keep myself accountable i am going to make the logs open to the public. you can check them out here .

i know that many others are setting out on the same quest as i am and i invite you to share your successes, setbacks, new recipies, questions, comments or general bitchiness with me here.
i will be right there with you.

last new years i asked the universe for higher lows and in turn i would take lower highs.
and i got what i wanted, well kinda.
i got something better... higher lows and higher highs as well.
i am not even sure where to start.
i rang in the new year last year as a total shit storm.
i am still embarrassed to this day.
i no longer drink like i used to.
i fucked up my foot.
bryce left for another long stint in flordia and i realized just how much i valued having him in my life.
and once he came home he had a hard time getting rid of me.
a very hard time.
someone once told me that i was wanting too much out of a relationship and that they didn't think any one person would ever make me completely happy.
i knew they were wrong when they said it.
bryce has now proved it.
i ate oysters for the first time and didn't throw up.
clementine found a happy and loving home with loren and jeffrey.
i had a lovely brooklyn vacation with my girl liz.
and went on the first of many (and hopefully many more) camping trips to jimmy's farm.
i went to bryce's hometown for the first time.
and had a wild night in pittsburg, ks and slept the stinkiest hotel room ever.
i got to know ryan and dionne.
and am very thankful to have both of them as my friends.
and to get to be a part of their boys' lives and watch them grow and change.
i went on my first long distance bike ride and loved it.
i felt the pain of the economic climate as i took a pay cut, but did enjoy the fridays off that i received in return.
i got to be present as kelly and sarah married amazing men.
and had a bitchin good time at both of their receptions.
i turned 27 and had a wonderful birthday in the park.
i got a new boss, someone who i can respect and learn a lot from.
and who also happens to be an amazing person.
great times at the lake, learning to wake surf and get up on the wake board.
i look forward to getting back down there as soon as it is warm enough.
i really reconnected with my high school friends and am so thankful to have them as an active part in my life.
i missed you girls more than i realized.
i met liz in iowa for an adventureland good time. i will take her any way i can get her.
reed turned one and bryce came to the fair with me.
both of which were very good news.
we went to seattle for an amazing vacation and i got to know bryce's family better.
orcas island...need i say more?
i hope to go back sometime...and also go to victoria.
the space needle and utilikilts and amazing food and mike and mere.
and luna.
sweet, funny, dopey little nuner.
well, not so little any more.
i found out about my thyroid issues.
thanksgiving without my memi.
and three extra christmases.
and bryce home with me for the holidays.
we wrapped this year up with a fancy pot luck dinner party at home.
with great food and great friends.
i woke up the next day tired.
but without a hangover, without regrets and with a total recollection of the night before.
 2009 was good to me.

i hope 2010 has similar things in store for all of us.

cheers friends!

three down, three to go

so i am one half of the way through the christmases.
bryce gave me the computer about 3 weeks ago.
i followed up last week with his...
two pair toe-mittens- assisting in winter chacos wearing
one pair charcoal over the knee socks- for winter kilt wearing (don't worry. he has all ready ruled out the kilt, sock, chacos option for winter)
one set poaching pouches-for poaching eggs and so much more
one microplane medium ribbon grater- two words: goat cheese.
one tom petty 4 disc anthology and the new muse album- for the ears and the road
one set whiskey stones- for classy drinking
one gap green plaid  button down shirt goodness- because i love a man in plaid
one frame- with a picture and a patch from the peddlers jamboree last memorial day weekend.
and he didn't see any of it coming.
and really enjoyed it all.
that is the best reward of giving a gift.
showing someone that you are listening.
that you know them.


last friday marked the start of bryce's family christmas/birthday/weekendfunfest.
bryce's oldest sister got here friday night.
and i went out with her and a good friend of hers.
first i took them to the r bar, which i had really been wanting to check out, to say hi to my pumpkin, sarah.
from there we went to the p&l.
that's right.
as you can imagine i drank a decent amount.
it helps that bryce's sister is a tall, thin, blonde with a wonderful smile.
i gladly accepted the drinks.
she also spent much of her night complimenting people about the most ridiculous things...like telling douche bags that their barb wire arm band tat "makes their guns look big"...she was hilarious.
it was douche tastic and full of lots of ridiculous dance moves and affliction shirts. 
i had a really fun night.
when we got home we both soaked our feet in hot water.
i have not been out dancing in heels in quite some time.
poor toes.

the next day was christmas at bryce's grandma's.
his dad is one of 7? or maybe8?
they are fun and remind me of my mom's side.
this is quite a compliment if you are familiar with my relationship with my extended family.
they have two gift exchanges- one for the women and one for the men.
it is one of those deals where you can open something new or steal something someone else had all ready opened.
i had heard several conversations about these exchanges and it seemed like it would be quite the ordeal.
and it was.
and i really enjoyed it.
i ended up with pyrex bowls and measuring spoons.
both of which i was happy to have.
they are very sweet, fun people.
and they cuss and drink. always a plus to me.
there are siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles and second cousins of all ages that all have real relationships with each other.

i love family.

yesterday we celebrated birthdays.
all three of his nephews have birthdays in december, so we had cake and they opened presents.

tonight was christmas.
they were saying in a hotel, so we packed the car full of all the gifts (we had his other sister, who stayed back in seattle, gifts too-the vibe was full) and headed over.
they take turns as much as possible with the little ones, like my family does.
and for the first time in my life i found myself in the inner workings of a different family's christmas.
and it didn't feel strange at all.

tomorrow and wednesday i will be seeing some of my favorite friends.
both old and new.
and then on thursday we will pack the car again, this time with the dog, and head down to my parents.
there we will finish the last three.

happy holidays friends.
i look forward to the year end wrap up.
....my third year in review.



***after writing this i realized that year one was on myspace.
so i went out and grabbed it.

january 2, 2008

*sigh

the holidays....
what an interesting time.
friends home for the holidays.
second job.
four days in springfield.
adorable niece with an attitude.
my mama, my daddy, my sister and tony.
the let down of my cousin brooke and her fiance bobby not making it to springfield, meaning i won't get to touch her pregnant tummy.
go karts and four wheelers and our first christmas not at granny's.
finding out i am going to be an aunt again.
my dear dear nancy.
the loss of my two favorites.
finally getting to see my gretchypoo.
slumber party at holly's.
feeling like i just can't get it together.
crafts night with the girls. i never thought i would see a room full of my friends sewing and knitting and crocheting and making paper...but it happened and it will happen again.
justin- if you are reading this you are a fucking trooper!
new friends.
new years.
white people listening to a white band play hip hop and living it up.
dancing and drinking and a girl scout's promise to not cry at midnight that i almost kept.
erin biting my lip.
morgans loft, my home away from home.
movies. movies. movies.
friends and blankets and couches and tears and laughter and boxed wine and too many cigarettes to count.
regrets and dreams and hopes and fears and trying not to drown in it all.
and a fucking flat tire today.

happy new year friends.


to my sweet sweet baby boy-
i miss you everyday....so does bits.
so do a lot of people.
you were loved and you were happy and i am sad we only got 4 years together, but i wouldn't trade them for the world...




pics by momofoto

94.9 kcmo has it going on

i am writing to you from the new netbook that bryce got me for christmas.
he couldn't wait.
i tried to wait.
but i am not good at waiting (if my family reads this they will agree, possibly my friends as well).so when he asked for the second or third time i totally caved.
it is little and cute and the same color as my car and i really really like it.
i originally bought bryce a xm skydock.
but then decided against it.
now i have bought a bunch of smaller gifts.
i ordered most of them online...sorry local community.
i rarely ordered online before this year.
but for gift giving i get to research my ideas.
narrow things down.
and put them in a virtual cart so i can look over them for a while and make good decisions.
most of my online buying is gifts, so there is no buyers remorse as far as the spending goes.
i have been having all his gifts delivered to work. so he can't intercept them.
my coworkers sometimes join me as i open the packages with excitement.
usually knowing exactly what the package contains.
anyway...
i would tell you what i got him, but sometimes people read this thing.
i would hate to spoil christmas, even though as soon as i have his gift ready, which will likely be before christmas, i will give it to him.

'tis the season for reflection and excitement about the future
i didn't make a new years resolution.
but i did put some mile markers out there in front of me.

here is the progress report:


i wanted to be a healthier person
(read:do not confuse with i want to be skinny).

losing weight is not easy.
and if it is easy for you please don't tell me about it.
i will hate you out of jealousy.
this has probably been my healthiest year in my adult life.
i have maintained a good work out schedule for at least half of the year.
i eat better.
i have made great strides in learning to like mushrooms.
i don't drink as much.
i don't smoke 5-8 packs of cigarettes a week.
i eat breakfast.
i don't party every weekend.
i fear the hangover.
i get good sleep.
i am cognizant of when i am and am not being fair to my body.
i very recently started keeping a food journal.

and i have plenty of room for improvement.

one of my biggest problem is the work lunch.
i love the places we go to eat for lunch.
but it is expensive. and not so great for me. and all too tasty.
we split most of the time when we go out.
but it adds up.
both in dollars and fat.
i am trying to eat 7 servings on fruit and veg a day.
i know that this is still below the recommended level.
i am working on it.
i will never be tiny.
two main reasons:
1. i think i would look weird as a size 4
2. i am not that disciplined
3. cheese
i don't want to be tiny. i want to be healthy.
and i feel like i am headed in the right direction.


i wanted to show my art.

next week i am signed up to show some artshits at a company craft show.
i bet they won't let me call them artshits at work.
what about artsh*ts?
i realize this is no gallery showing, but it is a step in the right direction.
and an etsy shop will be coming as well.
no more excuses of not knowing how to price things.
the worst thing that could happen is that i could end up not selling anything.
and pretty much ever scenario other than that is a step up from where i currently am.


and i wanted to write more often here.

a while ago-you know when i was ready to take blogging more seriously and then didn't post for months- i signed up for this program that tracks my stats.
i pretty much only pay attention to how many people read this blog.
the last posy received 113 views in one day.
that felt pretty sweet.
i know a number of my friends read.
i love their comments.
and it is better than a mass email to let them know what is going on with me.
i know facebook says differently, but i do not have 113 close friends.
who all reads this guy?
do you like it?
are you just bored at work? do you find it entertaining?
have you ever told anyone else about it? have you started reading it from someone else telling you about it?
are we acquaintances or co-workers and you feel like you know me a little better from reading this?
does it annoy you that i ignore all grammar rules, except spelling (thanks to firefox) and especially the one about paragraphs.
and i use periods. but still don't punctuate correctly?
can a lady get some feedback?

that is all i have for now friends.
i had a few things on the list for tonight...gym. walgreens. eat dinner at home. blog or read or watch tv.
and for the final one i will read a little about how to work this new piece of machinery.
and then off to bed i go.
at least tonight it is a steamy 23 degrees.
it was 8 degrees at this time last night.

i hope this finds you well.
goodnight friends.
and happy holidays.

while i am here...

i might as well update you on my exciting and simulating life.
i haven't blogged since september.
whenever you see a post from me where i talk about how much more often i am going to blog, you should expect a break...

last time i wrote shopping seemed to be about all i was up to.

i dried the long and leans and now they are just a simdge too short.
it bothers me, but they fit up top.

hm. so since then...

bryce and i went on vacation to seattle and had a great time.
we got to see the city and hang out with family and friends. and orcas island was amazing. and we went on a biplane ride. and i wasn't scared in the space needle. and bryce bought a utilikilt.

we got luna, the worlds most ferocious watch dog.
we went camping.

i feel down the stairs and had to call into work because my ass hurt so bad.
i had a bitchin bruise for quite some time.
my left ass cheek looked like it got punched by the hulk.
my boss offered to bring me her 'roid doughnut, but i passed.
the doughnut is not designed to deal with butt cheek pain.
it would be like an inflatable thong.
very uncomfortable.

i made where the wild things are costumes with dusty for halloween.
i was impressed.

i also found out that i have a bit of hypothriodism.
it and the cheese are equal parts responsible for the great 2009 weight gain.
so i am taking the meds for it.
i am also currently trying to make myself understand that just because i am taking a pill doesn't mean that i will be instantly lighter.
it will come with time.
and more time at the gym.
bryce bought a fire pit.
the house has been a buzz with friends and family.
a good amount of crafting...both arts and beer.
dinners.
drinks.
a stupid amount of rock band.
the house has been a buzz with friends and family.
life is good to me.

thanksgiving was good.
i had a pre thanksgiving freak out, but everything ended up being wonderful.
we cooked on wednesday night and ate with a good mix of friends and family.
bryce cooked an 11 pound ham for eight hours.
it was amazing.
we used three 3 quart casserole dishes.
and amanda proved to me that frozen winter squash puree is a fine substitute for pumpkin pie filling.
ham and cheesey potatoes.
and wine and rockband.
took luna to the dog park for the first time.
got to spend some time with mere before she went back to seattle.
spent some time with bryce's family.
laid around all day and did nothing in pjs.
got out of pjs only to shower and put pjs back on.
and spent more time with friends.
the weather on friday was amazing.
spent more time with family.
and then more time with friends.
and thought about all the many, many, many things that i am thankful for.
and then did a zillion loads of laundry.
cleaned the house.
and began the countdown to christmas.

my shopping is ALMOST done.
of course last min i change my mind on bryce...

i am very excited to see my family. very, very excited.

if i don't talk to you or see you before, then happy holidays!
be safe. stay warm. be thankful.
and send a warm thought out to those who are facing hard times.
things are certainly not easy for everyone right now now.