costco sells coffins.

isn' t that weird?
go to costco.com and search for coffin. i would give you the link but i am too lazy. you can get your coffin expedited for those unplanned deaths and standard for when you know they are going to kick the bucket. you can also purchase urns for human ashes, urns for pet ashes and keepsakes (what ever the fuck those are).
speaking of pets...
my neighbors fucking catS were INSIDE my apartment when i got home.
since the last post, romeo found his way onto my deck again and the neighbor gave me a flower and a note thanking me for taking care of her cats and that hopefully it would stop soon.
well maybe it would stop soon if she...oh...i don't know.....DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT?
anyway...i came home from work, grabbed laundry, hung out with mo and did laundry at her place, met friends at the p&l (more on that at a later date)...and got home around 10:30. i had left my screen door cracked so my cats could enjoy my balcony in this wonderful weather. when i opened my door bacon was sitting on the back of the futon and then i saw romeo in my dressing room and then a black cat came bounding out of my room...this cat was not clem, it was too big...and as soon as i process that thought here comes clementine tearing after this other cat.
clem is a badass bitch.
so i get both her cats on the balcony. my cats are pissed...clem was at the door hissing and growling at the other cats, bacon was hissing at everything.
i went downstairs...negligent cat mom was not home. i came back up and wrote her a letter on post its explaining that both her cats were on my balcony and gave her my number to call me. i also explained to her that i was going to be out of town for a number of days and that she should probably make sure they don't get on my balcony or i don't know how she will get them back.
then i came into my room and the other black cat jumped on to my window sill...thank god there are two windows and not just one like with the kitchen window...so i pop the screen out, get the cat, throw it in my bathroom. clem is going nuts at the door. bacon is hissing at me and clem and the door. at this point i go back down and write her a fourth post it telling her to call me no matter what time is was. that my cats were going crazy and i wasn't sure what to do with hers.
just when i am about to recreate the makeshift litter box from before, she called. and came up and got them. i carried one down for her. i asked her if she had called the landlord and she said no.
i told you your cat almost died before and you still don't want to get it fixed? she said she thought she could fix it herself. when i took the cat to her apartment i realized that maybe she didn't want apartment people in there because she has cut circles out of her bedroom door. a good half of the way up. really? (it looks like she traced the bottom of a beer can. great idea...if you own the door you are cutting them out of)
maybe if you spent half of the time it took you to cut holes in your door on patching the goddamn hole in the wall then we wouldn't be in this situation?!?
i once again explained to her obviously aloof self that i would not be here for the next few days and that the cats will be stuck there.
i highly doubt she will do anything. all she needs to do is buy a hook and eye latch and put it where the cats can't reach it. i know, i know, it is rocket science. i am asking a lot here.
after all this shit is done i hear a dog whining...and then barking...and then all the other dogs in the building start barking.
i love animals. it is cruel to keep your big dog locked up in a tiny apartment like this. and if you feel that it is appropriate have some fucking respect for those of us that live here.
i can't wait when i move out to tell them about how i am leaving because of the dogs and i am afraid my med school rock band obsessed weirdo neighbor is going to burn down the building grilling on his wood deck with a synthetic blend awning overhead. that isn't really the reason...but it easily could be.

what all of this has to do with coffins i do not know.


Nick Bates said...

Do they sell those coffins in bulk? We could seriously get a group deal! It would be like buying the big bag of rye chips, but instead it would be coffins. We could play in them, pretend we were vampires....really freak the neighbors out moving those bad boys into the crib!

Dana said...

I did know about the coffins. As a CostCo member I try to take advantage of all they have to offer. However, I plan to be cremated so I will ahve to check on Urns.

On the cat situation, I think I would have murdered the neighbor by now, and adopted out the sneaky cat bastards. That person obviously has no respect for rules and shouldn't own animals either. BLAH.

MamaErk said...

These are your old neighbors I assume? We should play sometime. You do live a block away. Also, how are you enjoying the MANY dogs of your new neighborhood?

terra said...

yes, my new neighbors are quite lovely...and we all have cats. i freaking love dogs, just not in 400 square foot apartments.
i love watching all the people in the neighborhood walking theirs. i think the honey and white jack russel is my current favorite.
hyde park is so quiet compared to my place off 39th. i think it will be a lovely place for your new family mama.
and yes, we should play. i will have nancy at my house next friday!